When Kookaburras Laughed...

BackForwards

2012-01-06T16:26:00.001+08:00

Oh yes,this is an attempt to kiss and make up during the period I left.

Yeah,I've graduated.
Unsettled,when that should feel relieving.
My undergraduate years have officially ended,and here comes the postgraduate year.On the registration day itself,listening to the briefing and what not,I heard myself asking, "What am I doing here exactly?"

This is a whole new level.Be it academically,socially,and personally.Summing the whole thing up,I think the undergraduate years almost felt like a joke.There,the juxtapose on the academic part.The loads are indeed heavier,heavier and heavier.You have to grow extra fast,and prepare to be prepared.Not denying either, that it is ever intriguing and thrilling to know how much and what you'll learn.Being in this phase and going through the process alone already consumed a big portion in you.I should asked myself earlier whether I am ready.

Almost discouragingly,I think I'm not,but I'm already paving the path.
So I guess I am R-E-A-D-Y.

Classes were scarce,but this is not a happily ever after matter for this lazy creature.Many things that came with it,along the way has been making me quite deurmekaar.But better a fool than never,eh? *wink*

Now,it's time to figure out what's the next step would be.

>> Having unnecessary necessities as a materialistic young lady,I do feel the need to land myself as a part-timer.Hunting for moneyh is one way to spend your time these days.
Earning money feels like forever and the next thing you know, they're all gone.Spent frivolously in a blink of an eye.Making me even more careful in spending.As frugal as I can be,sometimes I just spend the whole thing without sentience. Hohoho.

“For there is no doubt that I have lots of words inside me; but at moments, like rush-hour traffic at the mouth of a tunnel, they jam.”

– John Updike,1989 -

Oh and it's already new year.

The beginning is always void if you ask me.Now that totally reminds me of Malevich 'Black Square'.Never fail to amaze me.

Bak kata Sherlock Holmes,"Elementary". =D

Malevich "Black Square"
(Thanks Wiki, for the pic!)

Hallo!

2011-11-05T04:32:00.000+08:00

2 months.
Yeah,that's how long I've stop writing.Rubbish,or no rubbish.

Going through what I've shared here so far,I'm not that impress.
Surprise,surprise...haha.
Oh well,there's pieces of me in it.
So,to be continued...

Presence

2011-08-21T04:24:00.111+08:00

Presence strengthens what is absence.It's the person that matter,not the place.

I'm going to jump into an ice hole (if I could find one) and freeze there after this.Yeah,because I need to write or I'll go bonkers.

To begin with, recently, I've met someone who has pretty much affected my EQ since like uh,five years ago?It was utterly unexpected,unanticipated,and came without warning.Well,I can't really tell whether it's a good thing or not.

Honestly,I've been feeling damn guilty for doing what I did and regretted the things that I should have and have not done to him.Five years ago,I was stupid, awkward (still do), young and too afraid of too many things which eventually led to an unresolved matter in me and maybe, what happened between us.
I believe I've broken his heart and live with that ever since.Yes,considering the fact that we were disgustingly young with a potentially bleak future ahead, so many would suggest me to just move on.I did tried, and this writing is one obvious proof that I failed to do so.

Like an unfinished chapters in Chaucer's Canterbury Tales or Jane Austen's last,never completed novel,Sanditon, nobody knows how the 'completed' version will sound like.Hanging loosely blown by the wind of uncertainty.

When I saw him,it dawned on me that either I'm a complete ignorant or the fact that I'm being too hard on myself-relying too much on hard facts and solid definitions on almost everything; including my own feeling, blinded me from being fully aware that I too,were heart broken.

When you like someone so much for so long,you'll tend to forget how it feels and how distinct it is from the rest of emotions.It's like something unfathomable missing from you,and you don't know what.It gives you this 'just-not-right' feeling when you seek it from others.

My guess is that I've got so used to it.That explains the uncomfortable feeling I have when I'm around those who I'm not that familiar with.Thanks to linguistics,I could judged pretty well through conversations actually.It gives me this holistic view, a rough idea what's the person like.(If I tell the world I did that, I bet nobody would not want to speak to me for being that judgmental).Haha!

All in all,to be able to meet him, and miraculously talked to each other quite normally for a couple good times left quite an impression.I'm quite surprised myself.Did I just talked to him?It's like whoa~if it is possible, I would want to apologize,and told him that five years ago,I wanted to say,"What took you so long?" (I'm quite mad for the lateness actually) and if I did broke his heart,I didn't mean to do that at all.I just didn't want things to get complicated and yes,I'm being selfish for not considering anyone at all.

Ah, well..past is past.It's not that I think I might have another shot.
I respected him for having the courage to even ask me out and at least,if not all,be himself .Ihat alone would have done me a favour.I would love him to stay that way. It would be nice if I get the chance to know him better.And if he did hated me ( he should),the very fact that he's still able to see me after all these years,plus the efforts that he put during the process tugged at my heartstrings.I guess that's one of the thing that makes him different than the rest.Well, he was always different then,and gladly he still is.Nevertheless,he seems more sure of himself now and I hope he'll keep it up.

Amidst the nostalgic and melancholy feeling,I did have a good time .Never fail to put an instant smile on my face lately.Now I need to learn how not to suddenly smile for no reason.

So,I guess it is impossible for me to even bring this up (again).The last thing I would want to do is bugged him with this.Maybe for me it will take longer to actually get over it.With his presence in this short period of time,I think it would be more than enough to compensate.And for only that, I'm more than grateful.

But this time it feels right.I can tell that.

And I still could not believe that I actually wrote a poem for him not long ago.
I guess I am kind of cheesy,sometimes.Haha.

He's my dear Gentleman,can't you see?Lols.

Howard Zin's always awesome with his words :

To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness.

What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places -- and there are so many -- where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction.

And if we do act, in however small a way, we don't have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.

- Howard Zinn -

Thank god,now I can finally sleep.

...

2011-08-17T01:23:00.000+08:00

Everything is upside down.
I'm head-over heels.
I should sit back and chillax.
I will start fresh.
Yup.

So, What's Next?

2011-08-06T02:18:00.001+08:00

I am jobless now.
Funny.I'm way far from depression.
Funnier.I received two work offers on the day after.
Funniest.I'm still jobless now. (Being a part-timer doesn't count)

So,next I'm going to walkabout and explore KL like I've never had before and make sure to visit and conquered all bookstores; first hand, second hand, third hand, junk, not junk - you named it.I'm coming.

Then,visit all these wet market and look for herbs and spices. (I'm into herbs and spices - they smell nice!)
After that, look for any affordable antique shop..and maybe visit some I dunno, some odd 'feng shui' shops. Jade and unique stones like amethyst (favourite!) and sapphire are always available there.

Look for more antique or jewellery/stones shop (I'm not sure what they're called).See..in western movies, these kind of shops would look hollow,dark and creepy. But I think mysterious,unique and intriguing describe these places better.
Mum said my home in the future will be sheltering 'rubbish' such as these instead of furniture.Ha ha.I can't imagine.

And I should find someone to teman me and layan my ramblings and stuff along the way. XD

For now,this will do.Well at least until before September.

Amendments

2011-07-29T16:41:00.000+08:00

Napoleon Hill said:
Do not wait; the time will never be "just right'. Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along.

This time I have to agree.

I've been doing an 'internal auditing and special investigation' in,out and on my self. Sad to say that I'm not progressing well in terms of thinking ability and stability.Being unstable and unable to withdraw an undesirable attention in doing what I'm supposed to do (following my wish list),I should be more firm with myself and get back on track if I were to reach my targets in time.

I need to make amends of the time and energy wasted so far.I find that I am very much and easily affected with the surrounding.Vulnerable indeed.Ah, the time has come for some chicken soup -for the soul.So much for a chicken soup la. =P

By the way,I need to make amends for my cooking skills too.Been missing them since like ages.Blame the thesis and the final year project.Hehe.
Since I suck at baking biscuits and cakes,I think for now I'll just stick with steamed cake until I could get myself a proper oven and learn how to use it.First thing first.And hope my cookies won't be that black.
I've been collecting a few chinese soup recipe now but haven't get to try yet.The coming Ramadhan might be a good start.Wonder whether there is a term for soup lovers anyway.

And need to make amends for Italian,French and Mandarin too.Understanding what is being said or written is not enough darl.You need to SAY something. Good luck with that girl.Cubalah rajin sikit,kan you're disgustingly young?

As for my going-to-be-rusty-brain,I think I need to go back to old routines.Oh,good luck with that too!I can try De Bono, or perhaps NLP for a re-start.

Granpa:Biar diam-diam ubi,berisi..jangan diam-diam besi,berkarat.
Me: *terasa* Ya........
Granpa:"Ya" kau tu tak bertitik.
Me:Yalah....

Work #1st Episode #

2011-07-22T15:38:00.000+08:00

Wow.I'm going to work.
Wow.I am actually going to work.
Me?Working?As in really go to the office and attend meetings?
Yup.

First day at work was hilarious.Blinded by an over-spirited determination,extraordinarily I arrived two hours earlier than the time expected and was dumbfounded to find the "Hand and Microsurgery Unit" vicinity was empty.Accompanied by the flickering ceiling lamp and the pleasant hum of the air conditioner, I failed to detect any living corpse walking around in a manner suggesting that he or she was a staff there and was ready to start the day and yeah, ~~NOTICED~~ me.

At the effect of the elevator "ding" sound,I sat up straight and hoisted my backpack onto my shoulder,trying to look presentable and at the same time tried my best to fight the drowsiness from waking up as early as 4 o' clock in the morn' for the 'big' day.Oh,and I prayed quite hard.
"God,please don't let me do something stupid,well..at least for today.Amin"

Alas! The one to appear was the cleaner lady.We exchanged smiles and I straightaway asked her when my new 'colleagues' were coming.
"Eh, lambat lagi ni dik...diorang selalunya datang pukul 9.00..9.30 macam tu."
I was like ... "Owh,macam tu.."

Then I asked why the receptionist and some other staffs I saw down there came early,like I did.
Then the lady said, "Itu...biasalah masuk awal..ada yang kerja syif malam..tapi sini klinik,kita buka ikut waktu ofis la.."
When she reached that part,I was already cursing myself,for being that reckless.I should have known.Plus,it's not like I'm not that familiar with this hospital and most importantly I should have asked.

"Owh,terima kasih puan." I said with a smile.The fact that I was already totally amused with myself did not resurface until the lady was gone.I then walked towards the elevator with a blend of mix emotion.Gah,I should not let waves of nervousness controlled me!
So,I went down and stepped into the cafe.Sitting down with a plate of fried kuey teow and a bottle of water,I thought of the possibilities that might happened later.No wonder they said breakfast is good.In times like this,it helps in getting rid of the so called nervousness and restore cognitive ability.Ha Ha Ha.

10 minutes to 9,I was already back, waiting patiently and demurely on the couch. Seeing nurses walking in and out made me felt awkward and had this 'out-of-the-planet' kind of feeling.It's like there's a sign hanging on my neck saying, "I'm an alien from Mars.I come in peace.Will do anything for work."
Owh, I forgot to mentioned that when I arrived at the particular floor,a bunch of people arrived from the other side (there are three elevators).Scanning through,I thought they were practical students,amid the clamor and laughter.So,I just let it passed.

It's 9.30 a.m. and I was still sitting on the hard couch.Starting to get bored instead of sheer nervousness and anxiety, I called mum.I could tell that she was amused with me,but didn't let it out,knowing that her daughter was always anxious tak tentu pasal.Then I sat back.The temperature was getting colder and I was broiling inside.Again, served me right.Who asked me to come at 7.30 a.m.?Only aliens did that.That was what I did for the rest 2 hours-conversing with my alter ego.

I was literally staring blankly at the magazine when a girl approached me.Finally!Thank you for noticing me."Will do anything for work".She was about my height,my age and had this warm, friendly gesture.Asking my name, she pondered at the fact why I kept quiet the whole time.The rest thought I was a patient there.I was like ....

Only later on I got the chance to meet my employer and being introduced to the rest of the staffs.New dilemmas appeared.Where should I go?What exactly I need to do at this point of time?Do I need to just 'observe'?I thought I'm going to write?What am I doing here?Where exactly is the staffs' cafe?When is lunch time?What time do we finish exactly?Erm,hello?

So,I remained as an observer at the hospital for a week before I was really located in a real office.If boredom is fatal,I might have died out of it.Trust me,I was that 'lost'.The rest is history.

A New Chapter

2011-07-22T13:12:00.000+08:00

"Start writing a new chapter, for if you live by the book you'll never make history."
-Ben Sobel-

Time has cheated on me.
I've been making untold history for almost twenty two years now and I can never seem to recall when was the last time I shouted for the ice cream man to stop - the minute I heard him coming,played hide-and-seek,climbed up the trees and plunged into the river,sneaked out after the rain and fished for tiny tadpoles (which I claimed as 'baby fishes' back then) in the deep,clear puddle,ran up and down the hill,rolling in the mud, and of course, first day in school.
"Wait, did I go through all that?When exactly?" I heard myself asking.

Those were the times that no matter how hard I tried to rewind, let alone claimed, appeared vague.Now that I'm considered a young adult (according to mum who refuse to believe that I'm 18) and are eligible to work,more and more things keep me occupied.I noticed that I keep forgetting the small,insignificant details which might not contribute much to work prospects,but may affected the person in me.I fear that eventually I'll forgot to how to live life.It is one of the many major concerns I have in mind.

From the moment I learned what 'ambition' means, entering the varsity was not an option anymore.It's like you're obliged to go through the tertiary education system and you're so doomed and screwed up if you're not.Fourteen years ago,life wasn't as complicated as it used to be now.Back then,I would say life is bliss.Ironically,I still complained how my live was a living hell and no more than a mere threshold.Ungrateful brat!

When I was eight,people were more well mannered,no children were missing,no babies were simply thrown away like some broken toys,gruesome murder cases were scarce,people don't simply kill others out of jealousy or hatred,sweets and ice creams were cheaper =P, and I was 8 years old.Well,although the economy was on the brink of a disaster,what could be worse?As any other middle class family,we didn't have a lush,plush life but no one died of severe starvation.Not that I knew of.

Talking about globalization,economic and social growth and what not,I'm very much aware of the fact that we're growing.I'm more worried about the direction though; either we are moving forward or backward.

And some say that I dwell in the past,trying to run from the present day - unable to deal with it wisely. Yeah,in my age,who did? I must stop and look back once in a while or I'll lose control.Reflecting deflects,you know.
The past is a part of who and what I am now.Sometimes,the act of treating it as something insignificant cause this severe aggravation of annoyance in me.It's foolish to make dumb remarks about something that we're not really familiar with and worse,it proofs plain stupidity.And worst enough if accompanied by an immature childish streak.It's okay to be childlike,but definitely not childish.Now that I'm ranting pointlessly,I might as well be called "childish".Thank you very much.

I guess it's in the nature that we nurtured.All in all,I believe there are myriad of choices I could make in life.Shakespeare wrote, "To be or not to be.That's the question."
I asked myself, am I the 'to be' or the 'not to be'? Ready or not,I have already opened a new chapter in life.Funny,I still haven't close the previous book for I'm not done with the final chapters yet.There are still pages left unread.Is it possible to read two books at a time?
And I would not say, 'time will tell' because it can't this time.

ReView

2011-06-08T00:58:00.000+08:00

This one month really makes me rethink of everything.Turn out that I just don't know where should I start for there's so many things I would love to do in life.However,now that I have guidance,(which is indeed a very good one)it makes me wonder why in my entire life I never ask for what I want.
I thought I'm living up my dreams.Yes, in a way,but between the lines,I 'm also living up others' dreams.Well, I'm not blaming anyone or anything..it's more like a soul-searching moment and it's about making life livable and meaningful.

I guess time will tell.

It's quite relieving to be able to see life in a bigger picture.At least, from now I would be able to manage where I'm going.To know that there's always choices to be made make life seems full of hope.It's either the right one,so-so or just-not-right one.I told myself not to wait and hesitate anymore.People say it's better to be late than never,but you'll never know what you'll miss if you're late.Choices will be limited and you might be left with only one choice.Who knows?
I should chase after what my heart longs for.Of course,following certain circumstances.Life has too much too offer,and I can't have them all at once.It's either you get and lose something in the end.

...

2011-05-31T23:55:00.001+08:00

And I miss My Dear Gentleman.To be able to find one these days is hard luck.

Favourite Things

2011-05-23T19:32:00.000+08:00

Lately, I find myself missing waterfalls and picnics.

Birds Flying in the Sky

2011-05-18T19:51:00.001+08:00

Birds flying in the sky create different impression to different people. In many culture,birds customarily represented epiphanies of gods, spirits or messenger of divine beings, announcing new situations or serving as guides. In modern society, this scenario would definitely represent freedom. As for me, seeing birds flying in the sky often creates a mix of emotions and carry me deeper into my thoughts.

I recognized myself as an introverted person. Because of this, I prefer to keep things to myself. I am not used to expressing my feelings or voiced out my thoughts openly to others,even to those who are close to me. The habits of suppressing my inner feelings and thoughts gradually force me to find a way to let myself at ease. Seeing birds flying in the sky is one them. They symbolize tranquility and serenity. It felt as if all my troubles and problems burst out of the birds' chest,dissolved, and vanished into the thin air.

Birds are a part of nature like any other beings on earth. What makes them special is that they could fly. Birds soaring up high in the sky symbolize freedom for most of us. I definitely agree with the notion. Sometimes things just do not happen the way we want them to,and despite of facing the reality, we tend to run away from it. Also, there are times when constraints are everywhere and everything seems complicated,emotions run high and to make it worse,there seem to be no way out. In a situation like these,freedom seems almost out of reach. The ability to make choices, to live without fear and having all the rights to do what we would want to is made possible by the humble act of nature. I would also say that somehow,birds flying in the sky represent hopes too.

As the eldest child in the family, it is hard for me to accept the fact that one day, I will have to leave my parents and build a life of my own. Having to be responsible in almost everything build an unbreakable bond between us and make me even more reluctant to even think of 'leaving'. It feels like abandoning them regardless of it being good or not. Here,birds flying in the sky represent abandonment. Birds that fly in the sky are definitely heading somewhere. They migrated when the weather or the condition does not favour their being in a place.

In myths and superstitions there are birds which are considered to be good luck and there are some which is associated with bad omen. Consider mythic birds like the Phoenix-a sacred fire bird which can be found in Persians,Greeks,Romans,Egyptians, and Chinese mythologies which symbolize rebirth, immortality, and renewal with birds such as crows or ravens which symbolize death,sorrow, bad luck and evil. It is believed that to see birds like the Phoenix flying in the sky brings good omen rather than seeing the crow flying over us. So,from a superstitious point of view, the kind of birds that fly in the sky really make a big difference as it influences the belief system of those whose life is surrounded by these things.

Lastly, I would say that birds flying in the sky represent uncertainty. The sky portrayed the big wide world which is full of many,many things to be discovered. I see myself as those birds, flying sometimes in one direction and sometimes aimlessly to their destination. We would never know whether all of them will keep on flying together or reach to the destination safely. But birds usually fly together in flocks and that is the best part. It gives sense of belonging.

In a nutshell, the topic “Birds Flying in the Sky” is arbitrary as it is interpreted differently from one person to another depending on one's experiences. Meaning is created when one intends to relate something to others and communicates using existing signs and codes in a culture.

Titter Tatter

2011-05-16T21:57:00.000+08:00

Out of my usual stupid self consciousness,somehow I just moved from the back seat and join this someone at the front seat as nobody would want to sit there. My mind was only focusing on the assessment that we all will be answering later, despite the friendly request to fill the empty spot.However, in the next few minutes, miraculously we're actually exchanging opinions on laws and regulations,hobbies,writers and writing, books and other stuffs.How strange to have such a quick acquaintance.All in all, the whole thing was great.It was indeed relieving to be able to have this kind of conversation once in a while.How surprising to actually know that the opposite sex could be one good listener and supportive as well.Oh,only when it comes to a conversation such as this. (I smell feminism prejudice.. lol)

Well,I don't really expect to have such a conversation each and every time,but I dare say that's this is utterly rare.

Not to say that there are none of the opposite sex are as 'chat-able' but I tend not to meet this type often.Most of the time,they don't really pay much attention to what you're saying and sometimes just interrupt whatever you're saying.Not to tell you guys to just shut up and listen but at least try to make the conversation seem natural and talk sensibly. Unless it is a date, I suggest you not to use the oh-you're-hitting-on-me kind of talk.Unfair as it is, I do believe that even girls and women do the same.Anyway, feeling like one hell of a pride and prejudice feminist right now,I think the opposite sex still have much to learn when it comes to this.

Have a nice day!

The Old White Mug

2011-05-11T02:54:00.000+08:00

The word 'graduation' reminds me of this white mug at home which has this question printed in it,right at the brink of the mug's rim : How do you spell r-e-l-i-e-f? I was 7 when I first came in contact with that mug,drinking hot milo out of it.And being incredibly enthusiastic, I spelled the word relief to that mug as if I was in a spelling test,(my favourite part during the English class!).
R-E-L-I-E-F...there you go..I was so proud of myself for being able to spell correctly and even checked the dictionary twice,just to be sure.Feeling triumphant,I treated myself to 'Air Batu Campur' that very evening.

A few years later, I was using that same white mug to drink tea and once again saw the question. Being idle at that time, I pondered over that question over and over again.Oh, it was a no brainer that the answer was actually right in front of my naked eyes! The word r-e-l-i-e-f was there! I murmured,ironically telling myself how stupid the mug was and not me.I meticulously looked for the answer by searching the mug thoroughly.Ooh..it was on the outer part of the mug! There printed : Answer:G-R-A-D-U-A-T-I-O-N.

So, that's the answer..but why graduation?It asked me to spell relief..My small brain could not figure out that it was simply a riddle/joke.A simple, funny one.

Sad to say, I figured the whole thing out during the break after SPM. I had forgotten all about it when I left for boarding school.For the last 7 years since my last try-out, the mug had been laughing at me (I imagine). "How silly!" it would say and flashed its sardonic grin to me.
Now that I'm more often home, I got to use that mug often too.Looking back at the question,I just shoved a smile at that old mug and finished my drinks.If it could really hear me, I'd like to tell 'it' this:

Dear Old White Mug,
You've been there long enough for my parents,then for me and my sisters in that house.Thank you for being there and be our faithful mug all these years and bore all kinds of temperature that we poured into you.I'll make sure I won't break you to pieces.Say,perhaps for many it might seems that graduation is the end of everything.You finish studying, secured a job and settled down.That's it?Life's so over? Well, I do not think so.In fact I'm worried to the max as this would just be the beginning.Life has just begun.I can't tell what the future holds for me.If you just stood tall and think about it for a sec.So, you might want to tell your children not to put that kind of question anymore.Perhaps another good joke would do.You'll thank me for telling you this.Oh,I forgot..you can't. Try to take care.

Lag

2011-05-11T02:08:00.000+08:00

One more day,and that's it.I have unofficially finished my study here.
"Three years,seem, so quick.."
That sentence keeps on ringing in my head.Why?It was part of our choral speaking text. Everything that we did for the final project this semester was truly memorable. Making my first foray in scripwriting, acting and singing were one of those things that I'd never thought I'd be doing, not once in my whole life. Well,they were not that great, but I' m proud of it.Going through all those practice sessions and spending extra hours after class did pull something out of us as a team and promoted our growth as individuals.Good job everyone!
So, I guess that would be the first and the last time I'd be singing out loud, just like Maria singing the Sound of Music on the top of the hill.Chewah~

Of course,mine was totally far from the star if both were to be compared.But hey,things like this do make you feel good,definitely.I still could hear me whispering to myself during the first scene ; "It's now or never".
My,I forgot how numb both my ears were.Yes, ears,not the legs. I need to walk around la.
Someone told me to look at my friends if I'm ever going to faint or something and thank god I did. They had the warmest,friendliest, and supporting smiles you'd ever find while your on stage.

Okay.Now I'm amused.This musical thing was over for like a month ago and I think I made myself believe that I'm so over it.Yet, here I am, lingering on it,not quite willing to let it go.
Truth is,moments like this would get me a bit later than anyone else,and it's happening now.I'm also pretty sure that I'll cry over graduation day on November 2011, which is a month later from the big day.Actually, it's simply frustrating to have this 'lagging' thing happening to you. Just like the 'colonial lag' thing, I just wish that I'd catch up with others soon.Having the right feeling on the right moment.
Haha..I'm positive I'll be able to do that.

Karutan

2011-05-05T02:47:00.000+08:00

Thinking is a must.It cinched sanity.

*Come to think of it, I'd say it's rather commonsensical.I have a feeling that this would be a juicy debate in philosophy though I'm well aware that it's highly incomprehensible in the end.So yeah...

At times, keeping sanity makes me feel incomplete. Thinking is one way of proving sanity. But when you tend to think too much, you'll miss almost all the good things in between; too busy contemplating on something and you're totally absorbed in it and you don't realize you're forgetting the rest of the world. Trust me, the fact that you even forget to breathe while doing so will pass unnoticed.

Reaching the utmost perfection is an unnecessary torment and I just realized that.It might as well lure you to pure insanity. Pure insanity offers a two folds deal. One will take you far up high and inspire you to do great things.The other one quite the contrary, leads you to instant damnation. In my case, the latter one is more likely.I envy those who are insane. It is not my intention to taunt or discriminate those who are unfortunate, but considering the state of not displaying the conventional sanity is indeed tempting.

Sanity is an acceptable madness.

Life is about choice, right? So, I guess I'll just choose.

Tributes

2011-04-05T11:23:00.000+08:00

And now,the end is near

And so I face the final curtain

My friend, I'll say it clear

I'll state my case, of which I'm certain

I've lived a life that's full

I traveled each and every highway

And more,much more than this

I did it my way.

Frank Sinatra has never failed to imbue me with his voice.A light baritone with a sharp New York accent resonating deep into his nasal cavities to produce the classic crooning effect ...lovely!

The late P.Ramlee too, possessed such a voice that leave a vivid impression on me.They were both amazing in their own way, be it acting and singing.Pity to learn all the ungrateful remarks given to them.One man's meat is another man's poison and I'm not surprised.Have a nice day!

Bon Anniversaire Maman!

2011-04-01T03:06:00.000+08:00

French is in the air,so..Bon Anniversaire Maman!

Oh,and did you now that Maman is also a sculpture by Louise Bourgeouis?Yeah,but it doesn't resemble a 'mother'..more like a spider.Spider makes pretty good mum too.Not bad at all.

Maman..


Maman..too.

Maybe ours is not that ideal when it comes to hugging *grin*
But,
Je t'aime pour toujours.
Je t'aime pour de vrai.

Love,
Your doting daughter at heart and soul.

Come Home!

2011-03-25T00:57:00.000+08:00

I like this song so much!Even sang it in my dreams (hahaha)..some think it's lame,I think it's lovely! :)
We're always someone's home.So, find your way home.. =D

Home-Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros

Alabama, Arkansas, I do love my Ma & Pa
Not the way that I do love you

Holy roly, me, oh my, you’re the apple of my eye
Girl, I’ve never loved one like you

Man, oh man, you’re my best friend, I scream it to the nothingness
There ain’t nothin’ that I need

Well, hot & heavy, pumpkin pie, chocolate candy, Jesus Christ
There ain’t nothin’ please me more than you

Chorus:
Ahh, Home
Let me come Home
Home is wherever I’m with you
(2x)
La la la la, take me Home
Baby, I’m coming Home

I’ll follow you into the park, through the jungle, through the dark
Girl, I’ve never loved one like you

Moats & boats & waterfalls, alley ways & pay phone calls
I’ve been everywhere with you

That’s true

We laugh until we think we’ll die, barefoot on a summer night
Nothin’ new is sweeter than with you

And in the sticks we’re running free like it’s only you and me
Geez, you’re something to see.

Chorus

“Jade?”
“Alexander?”
“Do you remember that day you fell out of my window?”
“I sure do, you came jumping out after me.”
“Well, you fell on the concrete and nearly broke your ass and you were bleeding all over the place and I rushed you off to the hospital. Do you remember that?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Well, there’s something I never told you about that night.”
“What didn’t you tell me?”
“While you were sitting in the backseat smoking a cigarette you thought was going to be your last, I was falling deep, deeply in love with you and I never told you ‘til just now.”
“Now I know.”

Ahh, Home
Let me come Home
Home is whenever I’m with you
Ahh, Home
Let me come Home
Home is when I’m alone with you

Home
Let me come Home
Home is wherever I’m with you

Ahh, Home
Yes, I am Home
Home is when I’m alone with you.

Alabama, Arkansas, I do love my Ma & Pa
Moats & boats & waterfalls & pay phone calls

Ahh, Home
Let me come Home
Home is wherever I’m with you
Ahh, Home
Let me come Home
Home is when I’m alone with you

Money Matters.

2011-03-17T06:23:00.000+08:00

For some reasons, I seem to hate myself for not being able to do much here.Trying to make a mountain out of mole hill is just plain stupid. You'll never reach the sky. Feeling low at this point sucks because it brings bad dreams. Having bad dreams guaranteed a bad start for the day.Why money matters?Nothing big. Just a solid reminder that money could be one of the calamities in life.

Say,

If I were to choose between pride and money,I'll hold my pride.

If I were to choose between dignity and money,I'll choose dignity.

If I were to choose between love and money,I'll go for love undoubtedly.

If I were to choose between ties and money,I'll embrace ties wholeheartedly.

If these choices were laid before my bare eyes 50 years ago, I might answer them without uncertain hesitation.What life had to offer then was so much more. Values were stronger.Of course, across time,things changed towards the better and worse, too.But what options do we have except adapt and move on?In 2011,if you asked me,I'd choose money above them all.Without it,pride and dignity are just specks of dust on your doormat,love can't be buy and ties mock you to death if they could. Aww...too bad, right?.Money's the bad guy and it always win...

I was, am and still find myself disgustingly surprised looking at how we let such filthy lucres affect our lives.

Now,without m-o-n-e-y,don't even dream of filling you stomach with the cheapest,most staled (~~perhaps with a bit of fungus~~) bread in town.Feeling sorry for yourself then, it just sheer ordinary.Who would possibly resist the strong temptation of a five letter word spelled m-o-n-e-y nowadays?Nobody.The need for money is beyond temptation,you need it. Freewill is not a choice anymore.

However,I find myself drawn towards the "No money,no talk/honey" rule.Despite my blunt and plain stupid remarks,remarkably I find it agreeable.This put me in a love-hate relationship with m-m-m-mmmoney I guess. Which of which?

While "no money, no talk" ruled out strangers, "no money, no honey" estranged families and friends.That's how things work.My,you'd be astounded to discover that these people could speak quite well actually when everything goes into the right place. Motivation is always uplifting,doesn't it?From top to way down the bottom, it's always been the same thing. The race in pursuit of 'power' never really ended.Lucky we have the word 'balance' and gravity or the world will be one side heavy.

Would I betray others then?Am I willing to go beyond limits and constraints, leaving everything behind for money?Is it worth all the hearts broken and tears shed?Under certain circumstances, it's possible for me to end up like that-desperately hunting for bucks and bulks of it.If not now,maybe later.Who can tell?I pray hard not.Still, hoping would not get me any further. The urgency of positive,motivating resolution is as worthy.For I terribly fear of nurturing such anger, which will likely grow into hatred.Or worst, vengeance.Such a bad feeling would eat you inside out if it's not put at halt.

See, I don't really have any personal feud with money. In my case, money is good business.-it makes my world go round.

We make good or bad things out of it.Instead of having control on money,we rather have money controlling us.Too busy to figure that out and sadly, when we do it's a little too late.

Quoting Spiderman, "With great money, comes great responsibility", I have little to say in terms of what or how the responsibility looks like.You should know better.After all, a layman like me would better be off.I don't belong here ~~yet.~~

~~Fuck you~~ and your money!

(Pardon my french)

Singing Sigh

2011-03-08T01:22:00.000+08:00

Okay.
Week 8 onwards can be only described with one word and a sentence.
Busy.So much to do,so little time.
In about 6 weeks I will be finishing my final semester.Worse,I don't even know whether I should be glad or sad.
6 weeks later I might be doing something else or NOTHING (which I fear the most). But I'm sure I will do something.With the final year project hanging loose,no doubt I will face severe inner-self conflicts these days.At times like this,you'll need moral support from almost everyone and everything, whether they really say it straight to your face or not.

Whatever it is, it's going to put you in the brink of desperation.However,despite all worries and jeremiads,there's always something pleasant.
For our proficiency course,we're having this play.Nothing big.Still,it's super exciting.The part where everybody comes in and work together somehow make me reluctant to let go of everything.Suddenly,everything seems to precious that you feel like grabbing them all and put them in the refrigerator-so that the moments freeze and stay just as it is.
Good escape from Time huh?So to speak.Time goes on.It never waits.

The past is only the present become invisible and mute; and because it is invisible and mute, its memorized glances and its murmurs are infinitely precious. We are tomorrow's past. -Mary Webb-

Ah,funny though.It's ridiculous sometimes to think that you don't feel what you're supposed to when everyone else is into it.You're always the slow and unpredictable one.You can be insensitive at times when you're supposed to be sensitive and you're to blur to be true when you need to be 'awake'. Sui genesis? I don't think so. =P

Apple Heart

2011-03-02T19:48:00.000+08:00

"I wonder how would it feel like to have an apple heart."
Yeah,this was among the random thoughts I had when I was either sweeping or mopping the floor.
Whatever.
Apple always seems juicy and consumable (most of the times) I would say. Apple smells nice.I like the smell of green apples especially.The colour (rosy red and fresh green)soothes your tired eyes.An apple looks empty, but two apples are bounty.

Apples even do you good.
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away" but an apple would be rotten if it's left about.
A waste it is.
But alas,who would ever noticed such a pome? Always there means always for granted.
So those who owned the apple hearts,watch out, because life often plays you hard.Again and again your soul will cry,devoured by flames which tear you apart.
Do not weep, and and gives everything out but smile and say "I'll never give up!"
That's the beauty of an apple heart.

More Randomness

2011-02-21T00:04:00.000+08:00

>>The previous post made me realize that life has been too mundane for me.I imagined as if I was hibernating in this dark,wet,cold cave for the last few months-far,far away from the rest of the world.I happened to laugh at myself looking how idleness keeps me in instead of seizing the day.Where could Passion-For-Life has possibly go?Did it got lost during Valentine's Day?Lots of love signals were being emitted that day that even Passion lost its way,huh?

>>A lot of things crossed my minds lately.Yet,I don't got the chance to even jot them down.It's wise to go back to that dear noir black book I guess. :P

>> Suddenly I like Pink's songs so much!

>> I was about to sleep and the image of 'sambal' (a Malay dish) popped out in my mind. Even compared 'sambal' to gossips.It's hot,spicy and definitely irresistible. The hotter,the better.

>> I hate the fact that both my younger sisters are taller than me,though I'll look younger. *grin*

>>Keep reminding myself that I'm going to be 22 this year (don't know why)

>>Wish to visit Italy and maybe find myself a dear gentleman there (he maybe in his sixties now)

>>Craving for oysters!

>> Find it's hard to stop singing while driving.The louder the better.

>>Wonder how would I react in the situation I am in now 20 years later.

>>Sometimes I feel like teaching,but pretty convinced that I suck. (my mum bet that I'll be bullied by my students-she's 100% sure!)

>>There are times when I am pretty sure I'm going to be a writer or a scriptwriter.haha.

>> It would be interesting to talk to some random person you meet in the bookstore.

>>I think I should stop.

Whooosh~I

2011-01-23T03:12:00.000+08:00

Zaman sekarang semua orang nak cepat.Kalau keluar ke mana-mana,semuanya nak cepat sampai.Makan tu,kalau boleh telan satu pinggan sekaligus lagi senang.Masa bercerita kalau boleh nak sekali nafas saja dah habis.Buat kerja kalau lagi cepat habis lagi bagus-tak kisahlah perform ke tak.Kalau dah keluar nak cepat balik.Kalau datang kelas,baru sampai dah nak balik.SMS pula,kalau cepat boleh jadi raja SMS.Pertandingan Sudoku kalau cepat habiskan, dapat duit.Bab assignment lagilah..kalau memang boleh menaip dengan begitu cepat,Thank God.
Pendek kata,semua nak cepat,semua kena cepat..cepat,cepat,cepat..
Memang tak dinafikan dalam era globalisasi ni,masa itu emas.Banyak ciptaan dan kemudahan yang disediakan supaya kita semua boleh melajukan diri masing-masing dan berupaya menjimatkan serta mengejar masa.Contoh:
1)Highway-Highway dibina untuk mempercepatkan perjalanan kan?Jadi untuk cepat,kita memang akan bergerak laju.Kalau ada highway,mesti ada tol punya.Dulu beratur bukan main panjang nak bayar tambang supaya akak tol naikkan penghadang tu dan kita boleh teruskan perjalanan.Tak lama lepas tu,Touch N' Go pula diperkenalkan.Masa ni bukan main seronok buka tingkap..excited nak 'touch' kad pada reader.Canggih dan cepat sikit,daripada kelam kabut cari duit syiling nak bayar tol.Manusia tak pernah puas.Keinginan untuk selari dengan perkembangan teknologi telah melahirkan Smart Tag.Wah,ini lagi canggih dan lagi cepat.Tak perlu lagi susah-susah buka tingkap.Cuma perlahankan kereta supaya boleh di'tag' dan bila Smart tag device tu berbunyi,jalanlah...tunggu apa lagi kan?Kata nak cepat...
Peringatan:Untuk kedua-dua jenis tag, anda layak menikmati layanan sebegini sekiranya kad Touch N' Go anda mempunyai kredit yang mencukupi.Jika tidak,anda akan menanggung azab kerana terpaksa mengundurkan kereta anda untuk ke lorong yang tak ada 'tag' diiringi dengan bunyi hon yang memaki dan bahana amarah pemandu lain.Malu?Ah,perkara biasa.

2)Pengangkutan awam:(merujuk kepada perjalanan yang dekat saja)Dulu naik bas saja dah kira okaylah.Walaupun panas dan lambat,namun tambang lebih murah daripada naik teksi.Sekarang ada LRT,KTM,Monorail dll.Tambang pun murah juga.Tapi lebih cepat dan kesemuanya confirm ada air-cond.Cakap saja nak ke mana,hampir semua tempat ada.Eh,tapi jangan pandang enteng pada bas.Bas-bas sekarang tak kurang hebatnya.Diaorang sekarang ada air-cond,laju..em,bolehlah.Nama pun nak 'Rapid'.Bezanya,kalau tengah waktu puncak,sekurang-kurangnya golongan kereta api pendek tetap bergerak walaupun manusia di dalamnya sangat sardin.Tapi,nasib lebih malang kalau jadi sardin dalam bas.Tak bergerak satu hal,air-cond pun tak lagi terasa dalam kepanasan yang memuncak.Cabaran terbesar- menahan diri daripada terhidu 'armpit essence' di sekitar.Kesimpulannya,suka hatilah nak naik mana-mana pengangkutan awam,sendiri naik,sendiri tanggunglah..kata nak cepat...Teksi?Ini yang cepat dan murah saja..cepat dan mahal kami tak mahu!

3)Telefon bimbit:Dulu telefon bimbit sebesar botol air mineral Spritzer 500 ml tu.Tapi,dengan bertambahnya golongan bijak pandai,saiz telefon bimbit menjadi semakin kecil sehingga tak perlu kot dibimbit lagi.Lihat saja di mana-mana.Saiz telefon menjadi semakin kecil,nipis,dan ringan.Tak perlu lagi simpan dalam beg (takut tak jumpa) tapi lebih baik simpan dalam poket.Bagaimana telefon cebet ini menyumbang kepada kecepatan?Kita semakin cekap menggunakan jari jemari.Berkat berlatih SMS setiap hari membolehkan kita mempunyai koordinasi tangan yang baik.Lebih-lebih lagi dalam keadaan genting seperti memukul nyamuk semasa tidur,memukul lalat yang mengganggu semasa sedang makan dan juga mengangkat tangan untuk menjawab soalan.Kita tak perlu lagi sibuk-sibuk berbalas surat,tapi terus saja berhubung dengan mereka yang berkenaan.Confirm tak membazir kertas,dan tenaga kerana mesej dapat disampaikan dengan cepat sekali.Sekarang,dengan kewujudan laman sosial yang glamor seperti Facebook (FB) dibantu dengan kecanggihan telefon cebet ini,maka,status fb, lokasi semasa,segala perasaan,keadaan,dan kejadian cepat saja diupdatekan.Memang fuh,cepat beb!

4)Kad ATM/Kad Kredit:Dulu tak semua orang mampu nak memiliki kad kredit ni.Kalau bukan anak hartawan,kayawan atau beradawan,gigitlah jari sampai putus.Sekarang,tak payah cerita.Bukan anak datuk saja ada,anak nenek,anak mak,anak ayah dan segala anak ada akses kepada kad kredit.Bukannya apa,bila keperluan cukup,kemahuan meningkat.Kipas kiri sikit,kanan sikit,lepaslah.Mother Nature pun geleng kepala.Bezanya,jumlah kad kredit yang dimiliki,limit,dan nama bank.Kad ATM,lagi tak payah cerita.Kalau tak ada limit dan charge yang dikenakan bagi mengeluarkan duit dari mesin ATM,mahu sehari 20 kali pergi tekan duit.Itupun kalau ada lagi duit yang boleh ditekan keluar selepas 10 kali withdraw!Ini pun cepat juga.Cepat habis duit...

Pendek kata,banyak aspek kehidupan pada hari ini yang menggunakan konsep cepat.Di sini,konsep ini dihuraikan secara prima facie sahaja.Penulis tidak berminat untuk berdebat dengan lebih lanjut.
-Bersambung-

Belong

2011-01-19T00:25:00.000+08:00

There are times when you sit alone,doing nothing..it's just you and your moment.Time passes slowly and the atmosphere suddenly feels so quiet,so still that you could hear yourself thinking out loud.

You watch other people that you do not know at all; walking pass you,rushing through the corner of the street in a hurry,some are strolling leisurely and have this brilliant smile on their faces,some seem to suffocate,as if they were drowning in their sea of problems-all of them,even those who are not moving a limb of their muscles,are struggling to catch a living.

It is evident that some get the best that life has to offer and some barely make it out in vain while the other half just happened to be in the middle.How unfair life could be?One would look up the sky and questioned God.

Looking back into your own life-the family you have with you,and your supporting friends..did it ever dawned on you that you're actually alone?

Think of the people you meet along the way-the shopkeeper you barely know,the cafe owner you used to greet,the garbage collector you always thank for cleaning up the mess,the child who cycled in front of your house daily,the neighbour who walk his dog every morning..

Who are these people to you?

It is indeed remarkable to think how the universe bring us all in, that we are actually a part of something,a part of someone's life.It is an honour to be accepted as part of it and the acts of gratitude that follow warms your heart and create a sense of belonging.The need to belong is essential for our well being.If not,there might not be the need of having family,group of friends or even a society.

You need me,and I need you too.

What An Ignorant!

2011-01-17T01:52:00.000+08:00

"Damn!" I heard myself muttering under my very nose.Amidst all the topics given,why Animal Rights??
I mean..I knew some fancy facts that snails can sleep for like 3 years,mosquitoes have 47 teeth,turtles can breathe through their butts and that a group of ravens is called a murder but their rights??Am I kidding me? I DON'T REALLY KNOW!

Such knowledge cease to exist as I rummaged through my brain.Brain juice dried...
Bears,tiger,orang utan,panda etc. would not be that hard to handle but blufin tuna fish?
The keywords provided did not triggered anything familiar at all.

I know I like sushi.Worse,I got nothing to add on so that it would sound like a forum in an oral test.When it is finally my turn,I half-confidently claimed that the ecosystem in their habitat would perished and this was the moment when out of the blue,I mentioned Polar Bear and the ecological niche thing.

For the record,the Atlantic bluefin tuna or the Northern blufin tuna originated from the Atlantic Ocean and also the Mediterranean Sea.Polar bears are the native to the Artic.And we were talking about tuna fish..not polar bear..Ouch!

No Tuna.Positive

So,I got the lowest mark.Lucky I didn't flunk the paper as well.The funny thing was that I didn't know whether I should laugh or cry.In a nut shell,I hate this topic.
I keep track on the issue though.Enough ignorance.

Nesting Dust -2010 Edition

2011-01-11T02:49:00.000+08:00

Whoa!It's been a while since I last wrote something..Owh,typed is more like it..*grin*

It's obviously January 2011.11th of January to be precise.It's a bit too late for me to wish a happy,happy new year I guess- but better be late than never right?

2010 was a not-so-bad year after all.It's a year of progress I would say.At least things around me didn't seem to fall apart and I didn't really felt bitter about moving on to 2011.Actually,I'm looking forward to it.There's so much to do and so much to do!!

End of 2010 marked quite a phase for me.I saw a great deal of joys,laughters,griefs,rantings and even feuds; reminding me that life is short and need not be wasted."Live life full!"(It was in the TV,but I can't remember from which ads!)

I'd been terribly occupied till the end of the year and as much as I'd love to sit and share my eureka moments here,I was sorry that I could not do so.Keeping part of the house running with two unpredictable teens was still OK.But when it came to handling an 11-year-old boy,I swore that it worn me out for real.

It is different when you have no more kids running around,shouting,or even throw tantrums in the house.Everything stays properly in their places.You don't expect your cat's tail to be stepped on or pulled..that the poor thing runaway whenever it sees you,and you don't expect to have a newt staying in your shoes and surely you don't expect to stepped on God-knows-what-it-is on the floor when you're rushing for an appointment.

*Sigh* "Boys will be boys."

Since this one will be staying with us for the whole year,I better learn how to handle and get along with him or I promised myself to not even think of the whole prospect of babysitting for the next coming years.*Pinky promise*

2010 was also a year where there were a number of 'kenduri(s)' in my mum's hometown,Segamat.So,as I tend to shy away from my relatives there,I've taken baby steps into trying to get to know them better.Well,I did,but only a few of them and not that well.Still,I did tried didn't I?Exchanging smiles was a good kick-start so to say.I spent some time in Penang too.It's my dad's hometown.

Penang is indeed crammed;with the hustling and bustling on the streets,sky scrapers assembled in rows,ancient buildings which still stood tall in the midst of everything-it was almost banal.Like a mini KL on display,except less charging and hurrying everywhere.There's still a sense of composure though.Other differences was the dialect,the friendly gestures from the people there,and the food.And what makes it forgivable for being such a restless place?If you ask me,I'll say it's the sea.It's not that clean anyway but the calming effect still lingers somewhere.

That's roughly what 2010 got to offer so far.The beginning of the year's memories were fading,so I guess nothing much happened.Again,a guess.If not,I would have remembered.

So,entering a brand new year,I hope to continue making progress in terms of finding and knowing myself better, get out of my small world often and maybe peek into a bigger one.

And,I officially draw the 2010 curtains down.Dead end.

Memang Random

2010-12-02T04:06:00.000+08:00

Funny.
In general,they're just pronouns with stages of formality in difference.
I used "saya" when I meet strangers, "aku" when I talked with most of my friends,but here, "I" still sounds better.Perhaps "saya" or "aku" makes me feel more vulnerable than "I".Using "I" somehow offer the strength to say things out loud because "I" potrayed a more open,willing-to-share kind of pronoun and as if it has this shadow that can hide you from the rest of the world.I always pretend that "I" is anonymous;so, no fear!.Or maybe because "saya" and "aku" runs in me and I don't dare to use them,in case I'll be melodramatic whereas "I" limits my savage thoughts and offer to touch only the surface of everything.Now come on "I", we have to be fair. We share the same world with "saya" and "aku" right?
Why don't you give them a shot?

Setting Wedding.

2010-10-11T03:47:00.000+08:00

It all started with this video link on Facebook.Girls envied the bride and drooled over the groom.In a nutshell,its admirable and I bet all girls would imagine their wedding would be 'legendary' as this one.

A Wedding of Fairytale

Glad to know that at least some of us do get to witness and experienced such a beautiful and memorable occasion.At least we know that fairytale could come true...somehow..with the involvement of an insatiable amount of money.So,millionaires and billionaires done their part well this time.
Moving on,I have been watching a few wedding videos.Not sure what exactly they're called..I think it's like the pre-wedding thingy,more like video clips >>>
Vid 1
Vid 2
Vid 3

They were all amazing.I wish these strangers a happy long life together.God bless them.The main topic here is not these people but the wedding itself.

Today Saby and me planned to visit the National Museum.There's this snake exhibition going on and Monday will be the last day.Unfortunately,on supernatural basis,our original plan were disrupted and we're heading to KLCC instead.I felt both sorry and guilty to Saby as I didn't mean for this to happen anyway.I was pretty excited myself.Knowing her affection for snake which is quite profound made me felt even bitter.I should've known in the first place that I'm not allow to go there.I apologized! :(

So,we reached KLCC safely, and walk around the place.I seldom went there for no purpose and today,for the first time, I was actually trailing through the park,where people there seems busy shooting pictures with funny poses,foreigners legal and illegal cherishing the heat of the sun,kids scampering everywhere with their parents and lines of primary school students walking in the same direction as we do-KLCC Convention Centre.

We thought of visiting the Aquaria,but the entrance fee is worth of a dozen Bim Bi Bab,so we went to this exhibition : The 1st International Pameran Pengantin Malaysia.Haha.It's my last resort actually.I couldn't think of anywhere else to go and it's certainly NOT the kind of place I would go in the first place.Why not right?
Sab's reaction was like, "Are you for real?We're not going there!" *internal bleeding* But we got inside.

It was totally for those who want to get married la.Starting from the wedding dresses, the 'pelamin',the decorations,few booths of photo galleries,wedding mags,spas,romantic honeymoon/vacation,bridal gown/make-up contests,suits,wedding cards,etc.
It felt strange to be in such place.The only thing that got me intrigued was the 'gamelan' booth.Still I did look around,trying to figure out the latest trend in a wedding nowadays.A few do's and don't's would be a good way to at least kill the time there.

Many couples were seen there,of course.They were practically excited and seriously looking through everything including doing this facial thing on the spot,together.Amusing.But I'm not in place to critique couples in love,right.I might be in their place and someone might be amused in the same way I do.Karma babe,karma.
Haha.Hope it won't happen la.I'm hopelessly romantic and if it's happening,I'll feel and look ridiculous.

So,at the end of the day,I came to noticed that lately the event that touched my day and at least gave insights was the word "Wedding'.I might want to at least start to read something about it.Now where to find a book titled "Wedding theories" or "Introduction to Wedding"

Masa Depan yang Tak Pasti... 0_o'''

2010-10-11T01:55:00.000+08:00

Final year's most eligible topic would be: What on earth are you going to do after graduation?What's your next move?
Continue your study?If not,then working perhaps?In what field?Where?How?
Questions after questions keep popping out from every single mouth that bother to ask.

A bunch of people I met would asked me that and my answer was, "Uhm,continue to study I guess,"
The truth here is that I'm not really sure if it's the right thing to do.Every so often,I feel like working but deep down I doubt if I'm ready to step into the working world.

I would be 22 by the time I finished my bachelor degree and according to the original plan,I'd work part time translating story books and attend French class so that I can sit for my Delf A2 until (if posibble) Delf C2.Then,in July I would continue my Master's degree and at the same time attend the translation workshop in ITNM to get a translation certificate.Chewah~well planned right?!Wish I'm Richie Rich.Haha.Maybe one at time.I should not rush.

My childhood favourite movie!Haha

I'd probably finish at the age of 24 and I should be able to work by then.But,as a what?I would love to learn foreign language,I'm interested in translation as well as writing.I might go for subtitling too.Which is which?Lately,another option would be me working and traveling at the same time after my graduation and then come back to continue my master's degree after a year or two.It comes to my attention that I have this sudden interest in political studies,sociology and a bit of economics stuff too.What not to study,huh?

On Friday,we went to this career fair organized by the Job Street in Mid Valley. Waves of people from everywhere were there - some brought together with them their resumes and what not,dressed up for interviews,some were just wandering here and there, observing each booth innocently,some looked excited,some frowned,some were asking questions and some just sit and stare.Linguistics students didn't have that many choices compared to business,management,economic,engineering,bio tech,science etc. students there.

There were options,but not that many and the most interesting job I could find was the position as a broadcast journalist.Woohoo...It worried me sick thinking about getting myself employed.
Anyway,swallowing the 'bad' feeling away,I just enjoyed the rest of the session.Plus,it not the only career fair held on earth and I believe I'm not quite in the right place. I'll take it as my first effort to expose myself into the 'real situation'.Keep your feet on the ground,babeh!

Then,my favourite activity!!The second hand book clearance sale! It was in Subang USJ.Me and Saby were rummaging through the books like crazy.I ended up buying 8 novels for RM38.00 and Saby bought 10++ (I'm not sure how many) for like RM50.The weirdest thing happened when I was about to step out of the hall.An unknown feeling crept up into me and without signs or anything,I suddenly felt like joining some charity clubs and devoted myself to others.Books and charity don't rhymes together.It puzzled me for the whole day.Sigh~
Since then,the line "masa depan yang tak pasti" is now one of my official slogans.

We Just Couldn't See IT

2010-10-05T00:00:00.093+08:00

I solely believe that every breathing soul in this world has the right to be whatever they dreamed of being.In this bits and bytes time,we're getting all the chances and opportunities to learn just about anything.We have everything at the tip of our finger.Everything is possible.What could be better?
Day by day,people are getting smarter,well prepared,and much more complicated.We're sheltered,provided with enough clothing,abundance of food to eat,and educated with proper knowledge.What turned us into a complicated,hard-to figure creature then?We're human,and that's complicated enough,but things are just not enough for us that we need to find something that is not there.I think we haven't see much of life yet and we're too lazy to bother as everything comes into our way.

Take note that I'm not referring to any luminaries who have been committing their lives for the sake of world peace,or those who wrote controversial books or those who ignited others to fight among themselves.I'm talking about us,the ordinary,normal people who lead a normal kind of live which has its own ups and downs.

Everyday,we complained,grumbled and demanded for a better service,better food and better everything.We're better than the 'better' we asked for ourselves isn't it?We deserved the best.The irony is that we're not the best either.So where we should we stand?Is it far up over the line or just beyond bottom?Asked ourselves that.

As we are the people of excuses,we'll probably denied it-"No,we do appreciate what we have but we tend to forget," Yes,we forget that there are others who are sharing the world we live in.These people are just not that lucky as they don't have what it takes to enjoy what the world has to offer.

What is fricking wrong to have a those who's fatter,those who's a bit slow or those with some eye-soaring traits that we don't really favour?They would asked to be better if they could.What's so noble about us that we dare to discriminate them?It's the heart that matter most.It's upsetting to know that there are people who could not consider others well being.They simply turned others who are weaker into a punching bag and beat them as they like it.Obviously, there are something quite not right here.It's even disappointing to be still dealing with this kind of situation at this age.Shame on us all.

Do remember,customs,religions,values, and cultures are a part of us.They are supposed to guide and not to create guilt.We're blinded by our own stupid belief when we are supposed to follow our perspicacious judgment.The place that we live in now is just a tiny part of this big wide world.Don't underestimate anything and expect to get the unexpected.We 're not that great but we're not that useless either.Life offer us choices and choosing the right one is our responsibility.We are not the same but god put us in one world for a reason.

We are not bad people,we just couldn't see it.

Write,write and write.

2010-10-02T14:39:00.000+08:00

Rolling on Raya

2010-10-02T01:41:00.002+08:00

This year's Aidilfitri had been a hustling-bustling one for all of us.It was tiring,but I savored every moment of it.It's not like everyday you got this gathering with a bunch of relatives.It was soothing to see such lively conversations taking place,and the laughters...gosh,the feeling there at that time left a sense of belonging in me.I'll miss that feeling,yes, indeed I will.

All muslims celebrated Raya: they went back to their kampung,cleaned the house,had their curtains changed,cooked dainty dishes and even lighted up the front yard with those oil lamps..What was it for me then that makes this particular Raya worth a while?

I was glad and even grateful to God for the changes I'd seen-for better or worse,they were still changes.It's too personal to be mentioned here but let us assumed that these changes surprised me as they happened.I was and still incandescently happy! This is a believable evident which convinced me that we do and will change-whether we realize it or not and either we like it or not.Time will tell.

In recent years,my mum and I would actually had this argument on where should we celebrate the Raya occasion.We were actually trying to persuade each other to agree with each other's choice of 'kampung'.Before this year,the choice had been either Penang or Johor but this year,there's another option available-our own house,the so-called Bukit Beruntung.

Nah,I won't agree to that last option anyway.That place turned out to be dull,lifeless,and annoying if Raya is to be celebrated there.No traditional house ever existed in that area,nor orchard with plenty of fruits!I don't really fancy the people there though the neighbours are okay,and I'll promised myself to go bonkers if mum really insist to celebrate our Aidilfitri there.Come on,it's Hari Raya!We need a livelier environment..

I've get used to the tradition where Raya is to be celebrated in kampung,and even though I don't really favoured 'lemang','ketupat daun palas' and whatsoever things that are supposed to be eaten during this festive day, I do fancied their existence and love to see people eat them.So,this year we decided to prepare something which was considered oddly distinct: Spaghetti and 'nasi Beriani'.Imagine eating spaghetti on the first day of Raya.It was overwhelming for everybody,but we just ate it anyway.My aunts did cooked other side dishes,but these were the main menus.

As for 'duit raya',I still managed to get some relying to the fact that I'm still studying.Haha.Thank you!
I bought 2 new books with the money. =P
Plus,another thing that made our Raya is my beloved Granpa.He's the only one left.I hope he would live a long happy and healthy life.I don't really talked that much to him but I do try to make the best of his existence.

Wish I could tell him how wonderful it is to have him here with us.Love ya Gram!

Whatever!

2010-08-29T13:42:00.001+08:00

My Personality Type: The Analytical Thinker

Analytical Thinkers are reserved, quiet persons. They like to get to the bottom of things - curiosity is one of their strongest motives. They want to know what holds the world together deep down inside. They do not really need much more to be happy because they are modest persons. Many mathematicians, philosophers and scientists belong to this type. Analytical Thinkers loathe contradictions and illogicalness; with their sharp intellect, they quickly and comprehensively grasp patterns, principles and structures. They are particularly interested in the fundamental nature of things and theoretical findings; for them, it is not necessarily a question of translating these into practical acts or in sharing their considerations with others. Analytical Thinkers like to work alone; their ability to concentrate is more marked than that of all other personality types. They are open for and interested in new information.

Analytical Thinkers have little interest in everyday concerns - they are always a little like an “absent-minded professor” whose home and workplace are chaotic and who only concerns himself with banalities such as bodily needs when it becomes absolutely unavoidable. The acknowledgement of their work by others does not play a great role for them; in general,they are quite independent of social relationships and very self-reliant. Analytical Thinkers therefore often give others the impression that they are arrogant or snobby - especially because they do not hesitate to speak their mind with their often harsh (even if justified) criticism and their imperturbable self-confidence. Incompetent contemporaries do not have it easy with them. But whoever succeeds in winning their respect and interest has a witty and very intelligent person to talk to. A partner who amazes one with his excellent powers of observation and his very dry humour.

It takes some time before Analytical Thinkers make friends, but then they are mostly friends for life. They only need very few people around them. Their most important ability is to be a match for them and thus give them inspiration. Constant social obligations quickly get on their nerves; they need a lot of time alone and often withdraw from others. Their partner must respect this and understand that this is not due to the lack of affection. Once they have decided in favour of a person, Analytical Thinkers are loyal and reliable partners. However, one cannot expect romance and effusive expressions of feelings from them and they will definitely forget their wedding anniversary. But they are always up to a night spent with stimulating discussions and a good glass of wine!

Adjectives which describe your type: introverted, theoretical, logical, spontaneous, rational, analytical, intellectual, sceptical, pensive, critical, quiet, precise, independent, creative, inventive, abstract, eccentric, curious, reserved, self-involved, imaginative, unsociable, determined, modest, careful, incommunicative, witty

Help yourself though.. =D
http://www.ipersonic.com/

Random #2

2010-08-28T23:03:00.000+08:00

Sitting in the room for almost a day did hurt my human spine and caused my legs numbed.I was thinking,well planning actually to read on the 'History of the English Language',then continue reading 'Jane Eyre'.So much for a 'homely' person I guess.But,I'd rather called myself a 'roomie' person now.Since 'homely' also means lacking in physical attractiveness; not beautiful or unattractive.Or do I fit into the description precisely?
If it's true,I preferred to believe the other way round.Can't I? XD
Nah,that doesn't really bother me now.A lot of things needs my undivided attention.The sentence that keeps going constantly in my head since last week was "so many books to read,so little time.."
Fasting does do me a favor in terms of giving me more time.I get more time to concentrate on my reading,more time to wander off into the library,and definitely more time to write something here.
See, I don't really write any serious stuff here.Just to fill the gap that I have these days.Writing serious,heavy stuff would demand more of my time here than what I should be doing-assignments.Yes.

My Dear Gentleman

2010-08-28T19:55:00.000+08:00

My Dear Gentleman,

Is not A Prince,

Not even a noble Knight indeed,

But merely a Commoner,

Like You and Me.

He's not that rich

Yet,willing to share his Dish,

And..

To make things Better,

He's always there in need,

Smiles and laughter never left his side,

They keep him company and save my life.

Do imagine,

He's not as Perfect,

He makes Mistakes and he does Forgets,

And Yes,

Always he boasts how Flawless he'd be,

Of that the man I know is He.

Nevertheless,

His words are the words of Wisdom,

and his acts are as Genteel,

Honest,respectful and truthful I believe,

He's my dear Gentleman,

Can't you See?

Courage

2010-08-25T02:42:00.002+08:00

True courage is not the absence of fear—but the willingness to proceed in spite of it.--Unknown

My thoughtless mind flew aimlessly as I stared outside the windows;reminiscing every distinct event that I've been through for the last 2 and a half years. Flashbacks outlined themselves before my eyes like a movie..

>> I recalled the time when I was in my freshman year.. (now,I'm a senior!) hahaha :P

I was intensely worried,and ridiculously nervous( like always), thinking how I would survived in this new place.So,back then,the seniors kept telling us that we needed to join projects and stuffs to be able to stay in college for the coming semester.Plus,it would gave our resume a 'face lift', making it more appealing for our future job application.

Indecisive,I opted to just go along with the flow..and found myself engaged to a few projects later on.It appeared that I could not bear any 'corporate' style of working and regretted my very own choice.I had to go through quite a problem,trying to disengaged myself from those projects except for one.Lucky it was still quite early,and they merely started anything big.

This one project taught me to really,really stand on my own feet and reassured myself that I too,had the ability to achieve what others had.It was not the end that matters most,it was the process you went through that counts.I fought in the same battle as anybody else did,but won a different victory.So did everyone else.Of that,I'm positive.That was,so to say the 'instant' lesson learned.

Just recently did I became aware of the fact that I never really finished what I've started.I need a slap in my face,really. Of course I finished all my assignments and submitted them on time.This one is more on the attitude part.The one which do not involved my academic life.Example(s)? Quite a number to mention.I tend to back off and simply assumed that I can't possibly continue whatever I intended to do .Doubtful thoughts hesitated and circumvented every possible situation that might demand skills or talents from me.

Deep down,I was and still afraid to face people..and dreaded conflicts so much that they would probably triggered allergic reactions if they were diseases. Fear grew wilder inside of me and ate my heart bit by bit each day. I kept silent in the dark and suffered the consequences of my actions.Once,a person I loved dearly told me that I had the heart of a mouse. I just brushed it off thinking it was lame.The funny part was that I too,felt like it's true somehow. (Tale of Desperaux)
I worshiped values,endeavored first class attitudes as I believe that they are a major components in differentiating individuals.There're many other factors that can exert influence and shaped individuals and these are just one of them. Who am I to say what's right and what's wrong anyway?These are just from my shallow point of view. The view I perceived from the small world I lived in.

Today,in my speaking English class,I was waiting for myself to stand up and presented my article. Mine was emphasizing on creating and sustaining ethical behavior.The focus was more on the 'value-attitude-behavior' chain and there was this Martin Seligman guy who reviewed the 6 core virtuous values which I found adaptable in any real-life situations. I was flipping through my points for the last time when all of a sudden I realized what my so called self needed the most...

It was COURAGE.Yes,that was what missing before. Later, I took a deep breath,stood up and presented.Quite smooth. I was nervous,trembling (a bit) and ate my words(I think) and but there's this warm feeling in my heart assuring me that I was a different person a few minutes ago because I know I do have COURAGE in me and promised myself to let it grows stronger each day ahead.

Oozing Out..

2010-08-15T03:04:00.002+08:00

It has been a while since I last blogged. *sigh*
Final year is DEFINITELY hectic though it seems like I have plenty of time to spend doodling and dawdling around compared to last semester.
There's so much to talk about,plenty to read,overflowed information,opinions,views and stories to be written..yet so little time.What a pity.
The desire to write is gasping their way out from this little heart of mine.If it had a voice of its own,no doubt it would reprimand me for putting on delayed:everything or anything that crossed my mind lately-and here I am,trying to sort out every word possible inside my head to fill this very post.
The more words I see,the BETTER.Redemption,that's what it is.
Keeping this blog a company need more than just a promise made to myself.It needs consistency.Yes,indeed.

Tatter talk

2010-06-23T16:31:00.003+08:00

"Letting go of the past could be easy".
The truth?It's tougher than I thought.
Hard to forgive and be forgiven,and definitely hard to forget.

What Homemaker?

2010-06-10T16:58:00.006+08:00

Holiday,holiday,holiday..
I'm almost restless now.A month passed by just like a gust of wind which blows in these torrid days:empty,humid,miserable and definitely ennui.Nothing significant.I have too much free time.Yup,and when that happens my brain begins to put on it's own thinking cap instead of what I demanded.A lot of things comes to mind,all at once and you will start wondering further and further which one comes first and which are next.

I do not look for a job as I'm planning to go through journals,researches and books to figure out my thesis topic for my final year.I'm considering psycholinguistic as one of the area I would go beside considering sociolinguistic as well.(Sigh,I know someone will give me a nerd look for this)
I'm supposed to learn italian and french too..to the extend where I can at least read the children story books.My progress?Nothing much really.. I seem to have wasted my holiday trying to figure out new recipes (they taste awful!) and coping with the piano lessons.It feels better hitting the remote control than the keys at times but overall,it's satisfying.And the piano?It's a different story already.I never thought I'd ever get the chance to play and now I do!It's like a dream come true.Our house now is polluted with noises caused by my sister,me and even my mum sometimes.
Apart from the mundane routine and the fascinating piano,the one thing that I'm obliged to do is dealing with house chores and look after my sister.So,except for paying bills and handling the rubbish bin,and teaching her add math,I'm the woman :P
At first things seem okay and perfect:everything is spic and span,in order and going according to plan.But,when my taller-than-me and rebellious sister starting to get on my nerves,I'm afraid I might have wrinkles already.Now I think I get it why some said that raising a child is the toughest job in the world.We can't simply be selfish.See,toddlers and babies are adorable,children can be noisy but truly charming,and bigger than that are nuisance!But thanks to her,I learned what PATIENCE means.It takes all of me to cope with her temperamental change of mood.I started to wonder if I was like that when I was in her age and I did.*Grin*

Again,I never thought we would be able to sit down together and talk like a BFF when I finally decided to give myself in and listen to the stuff she does in school which I previously brush aside by telling her,"been there,done that.." Aiks,I found out that she's quite secretive and I'm determined to change that..hopefully.So,in spite of this hebetudinous days I do pick up something useful that might come in handy if I were to have kids of my own in the future.What amused me recently is that I can't believe I'm watching the "Nanny 911" show..I thought it would be jejune and banal but it's not.

Wildflowers

2010-06-10T16:30:00.005+08:00

The hills were alive with wildflowers
And I was as wild, even wilder than they
For at least I could run, they just died in the sun
And I refused to just wither in place

Just a wild mountain rose, needing freedom to grow
So I ran fearing not where I'd go
When a flower grows wild, it can always survive
Wildflowers don't care where they grow

And the flowers I knew in the fields where I grew
Were content to be lost in the crowd
They were common and close
I had no room for growth
I wanted so much to branch out

I uprooted myself from home ground and left
Took my dreams and I took to the road
When a flower grows wild, it can always survive
Wildflowers don't care where they grow.

I grew up fast and wild and I never felt right
In a garden so different from me
I just never belonged, I just longed to be gone
So the garden, one day, set me free

Hitched a ride with the wind and since he was my friend
I just let him decide where we'd go
When a flower grows wild, it can always survive
Wildflowers don't care where they grow.

When a flower grows wild, it can always survive
Wildflowers don't care where they grow.

By Dolly Parton

Mi Manchi

2010-05-16T01:31:00.002+08:00

To everybody who MISSES me..I MISS YOU TOO!
To those who makes me laugh with your jokes,stories and remarks,I MISS YOU!
To those who taught me even the littlest lesson and made my day, I MISS YOU!
To those who listened to my every complains patiently,laughed to the jokes I told even it's 'hambar'(I know)and be there when I shed my tears,I MISS YOU!

Original Bourgeois

2010-05-10T00:15:00.016+08:00

During high school,or in a more accurate term in the Malaysian context:secondary school,is merely an explorable phase of growing physically and academically.Mentally?Emotionally? I'd say it's underdeveloped.I'm more like a tumor than a healthily growing cell if you ask me back then.If I could go back,I'd like to change and settle certain things and of course it's impermissible.It's not how things work in this world.Undeniably,some of it had punched the biggest hole in my chest leaving a big hollow space in me and some people I knew.Mum used to tell me that life goes on..so,no turning back right?Then,OKAY..

Why did I ever brought this up again?Well,a few things turn out to be quite different for the past 2 years:
First,I was struggling with my identity-being around people I didn't really know,new surroundings,new routines etc.Where did I fit in?Was I good enough? Smart enough? Talented enough? Suddenly these self-esteem consciousness breezed in.It was like those teen's fitting-in-American-high-school movies which truly sucks if it happens to you.I was damn nervous in almost everything I did during my very first year in Uni,from studying to eating and even sleeping.Haha! I remained like that for almost a year,then only it started to fade bit by bit at the end of the semester.That happened because I totally cannot get my head together in accepting the fact that I'm already in Uni now.It like..WHOA!It's just like this??I'm 19,and I'm in Uni??

The sentence "masuk U" is being programmed and nurtured in such a way that it made me feel that getting yourself a place in Uni is grandeur than life itself.The idea?My mum..she had been through hardships in her early life and since I'm the first born, I got the honor to fulfill her high expectation.At this point I had to learn to control and forced myself to like and dislike things depending whether I'm allowed or not allowed to do so.I've stopped asking why and how,I've curbed myself from doing things I'd love to-bottling up everything and put them afar.Whenever I see or feel like doing them all,I'll just think and imagine that I'm already at it.It ached a LOT when I open my eyes.Holding on to "tak sampai hati" slogan,I'm at the edge of being restless and senseless.End of high school marked the end of everything.At least one of my foot is free by then.Still,some things didn't just end.

In matriculation,things got a bit loose,and I encouraged myself to take the next step..I got to know a guy,well more like a boy,my age and he's funny.In a blink of an eye,I got myself an instant relationship.Gosh,it was funny because we never see or hear from each other much..only a few calls after 3 months.I thought I didn't need anything like this,it's more like a burden,this guilty feeling for my mum,my studies,and I couldn't even think of liking or loving someone who didn't give a damn on respecting and understanding in what I believe.So back on track!

Finally after 2 years,which is now:
I could say that I'm having one of my best moments in life..I can finally dance,visits those historical places (my sis think I'm a freak!),being overjoyed to go visit and watch art exhibitions,plays,dance dramas,choirs,orchestra(s)-soon, and opera (scream!),read books that have nothing to do with what I'm studying without anyone nagging at me,talk about hunks with my mum (which never really happened all these years),learn quite a few foreign languages which I hope I'll be able to speak them fluently,plus,I really like what I'm studying now and banyak lagi laaa..Oddio,FREEDOM is bliss!

So,what difference does it makes now and then?
I learned the word friendship and basically what does it means,success and succeeding;at least from the school point of view,and study,study,study (mostly)and anything beyond that is not allowed (according to mum) during high school.Living in a closed community back then can restrict a pessimistic individual like me and no doubt it did affected me in finding my own true self and potential.I kept everything to myself most of the time,and it was hard to express myself according to my own interpretation in such circumstances.Don't get me wrong,I love my friends,my school but there might be some misinterpretation or misrepresentation in others which is likely to cause conflicts,falsehood,and gossips.Who knows how bad it could be?Teens..maybe by being 'dormant' would be best for someone like me.
I don't really remember much of the things I had done in school except for a few unforgettable moments,events and maybe a few people..Yeah,some things just won't make sense when we were in an awkward situation.It becomes clearer later,when we thought we're so over it and unfortunately,it's too late by the time we really get to see the whole picture.So,it passed as a PHASE in life.

No doubt I'm quite the same person I was a few years ago;a bit nervous here and there,quite lost in conversation sometimes,applaud and cherish stupid,sarcastic jokes,eat a lot,and still despise cockroaches (now rats and monkeys too!) but also as a growing individual who feels better being in her own skin.I'm happy for now.As there are so many things around me waiting to be explore,it would be invigorating to discover more than eyes can see if you get what I mean. #smile!#
Yet,the only thing that is totally not the same is my health.Let's hope I'll be as fit as a fiddle always.LOL..I may be too comfortable with the state I'm in now..go work out la!LOSER ni..hahaha!

It's Just It.

2010-04-22T17:15:00.003+08:00

Primary School.
A month before school really begins,there you are -in front of the mirror,admiring yourself in the navy blue pinafore over white shirt.So excited,thinking that you'll be carrying your brand new school bag and proudly walked to school in your sparkling new white shoes.Everything about the school excites you and while you're busy draping yourself in the uniform,a pair of eyes peeped quietly from the crack of the door, scrutinizing your act,and a faint smile loomed.It's quite amusing,to see such a blithe spirit;who knows nothing of the world yet eager to be step into it..

Secondary School.
Each year,before school starts,it's always exciting to go shopping for new school stuffs and of course,uniforms.You calculate,estimate,evaluate - sizing up everything;what kind of brand you'd like to have this year,and in your thoughts you think about what your friends might be having;your girlfriend had this bag that you wish you had one too,your other girlfriend own this kind of shoes that you kind of like...later on,you end up at the cashier counter feeling nothing even when you see the amount price rise a triple time high.Lucky there's always somebody who would pay for you.Oh wait,not enough cash!..that's what credit card is for; "Pay now,regret later"
And,you get to go to school feeling good about everything!

University.
You got yourself into the Uni.Everyone is content and proud of you.
Everything that you wish for are almost like command that need to be fulfill.
Not long,a call from home came and you reject.A call other than that gladly you accept.You think it's OK but somewhere in some place someone's wondering how you're doing,and at last get quite disappointed asking about you.You won't really care though.

Note:I really don't want to end up like you,because it will bring me down to make somebody as special as that to be in despair.Yes,perhaps she never really teach me everything but I'm trying my best to learn them myself.At least I don't screw this one up.

Pie-Low-so-Fur.

2010-04-16T00:17:00.009+08:00

I tend to express this feverish excitement and look quite frenzied (mental agitation!!#scream#) when it comes to the philosophical part of living.Why?? Nooo idea!! I find it fascinating,inspiring and soothing?
Especially now, in the age of 21, where in this post modern era promised a more laissez-faire atmosphere. Being a late bloomer in almost everything I do,I find that I'm still struggling with myself most of the time(identity crisis) where in this stage of age,everybody seems to has been done with it.

Feeling glad and discouraged at the same time,I just hope that the time is ripe enough for me (no,actually I'm supposed to be 'ripe' enough for time never waits,it keeps moving) to pace my own steps now.Admitting the fact that I'm just too skeptical and 'nervous' most of the time when it comes to 'socializing' with the world, no matter how simple and easy it is- (according to those who claimed to be a 'socializer' and believe that they have this 'extrovertness' trait in their genes)
Chanting in the Shakespearen English mode: "O courage~"

Courage by William Shakespeare >>

O lonely heart so timid of approach,
Like the shy tropic flower that shuts its lips
To the faint touch of tender finger tips:
What is your word? What question would you broach?

Your lustrous-warm eyes are too sadly kind
To mask the meaning of your dreamy tale,
Your guarded life too exquisitely frail
Against the daggers of my warring mind.

There is no part of the unyielding earth,
Even bare rocks where the eagles build their nest,
Will give us undisturbed and friendly rest.
No dewfall softens this vast belt of dearth.

But in the socket-chiseled teeth of strife,
That gleam in serried files in all the lands,
We may join hungry, understanding hands,
And drink our share of ardent love and life.

I keep telling myself to take my time in doing whatever I feel like doing.At least,in the long run, I won't regret doing things that I know I badly wanted to.Still,I need to keep up with the signs of time;everything keeps getting faster..time flies..and yada..yada..yada..
And yes,I realize that I could always do my own things until the hell freezes over for nobody's stopping me and then wake up to discover that I'm still standing at the starting line. That would be worst than ever!

Quotes: to do, or not to do.
Suddenly I kind of understand how evolution takes place!Now,this is bollocks.HaHa.

Anonymous>You are so into your thoughts.
Me>Is it? (Look into the mirror,trying to figure out)

This is done as a token of appreciation to this somebody who asked me to 'express myself' more openly,so that I will not lose a 'precious being' [AGAIN] in the future..lesson learnt..so,I'm trying my best.

Random Act

2010-04-13T21:23:00.009+08:00

I'm supposed type my 10 pages of the "Main Languages of the World" assignment now.Instead of doing that,I found myself typing here..(haha)..reading online books and references is one neck-aching experience and it gives me this potent eye sore..I've recently changed my glasses,since all that I managed to see are lines and lines of blur words.I hate specs and I need to wear them for most of the time.I love my life!
*Bwekk*

A Soup for My Soul.

2010-04-12T23:45:00.005+08:00

I love soup,whatever soup it is;chicken soup,beef soup,vegetable soup, 'bihun soup, and heaven-knows-whatever-soup,as long as I can eat them.

I can't stop asking myself and pondering all this while as why it's only chicken soup is chosen for the soul?I mean,other soups are being undermined?They're being discriminate? Oh,nowadays soups get discriminate too. But(there's always a but) try this: “Beef soup for the Soul”, “Vegetable soup for the Soul”..Both sound so wrong.

If you asked me, from my food of view, beef's smell are stronger than chicken's (their meat la) and not everybody likes beef,some can't eat them and for some they might say, “Beef: calorie,cholesterol..they're so not going into my diet list!” and people who love cows and the rest of it's species would never ever consider this soup suggestion.I'm not sure if there are any chicken's association that ban us from eating chicken.LoL,this is crap! Whatever, point taken here. Beef-(0) vs. Chicken (1)

Then come the vegetables: They are good for the skin,health and yada..yada..yada..Compared to beef, it's almost odorless and tasteless (veges stereotype).Now, imagine you cook a vegetable soup. An amateur cook once told me,vegetable will go mushy when they are boiled in hot water. Considering it's true,I simply conclude it's convincing enough. Plus, many despise vegetable than beef or chicken. So, Vegetables (0) vs. Chicken (1) #chicken wins!#

Trust me, you don't want smelly,odorless,or mushy supplement for your already wretched soul. You need something comforting,warm and taste -like-home flavor to rejuvenate and inspire yourself. I can't imagine any living or dead chicken out there would smell nice,but at least having the thought of those Campbell's creamy chicken soup, I'm lured.

# I'm giving myself a break,not wanting to 'erupt' and go around 'biting' innocent beings (yeah,new habit, a bad one).
So,where's my chicken soup for my soul??

Idler

2010-03-05T11:47:00.007+08:00

I'm sitting at my study desk idly flipping through the magazine for the umpteenth time and rummaged through all the books I've brought here with me,hoping to find something nice to spend the hour.A bit frustrated as none of the books went unread,I just sat and stared at my own reflection.Okay,now it's freaking me out,it's as if somebody who looks exactly like me was staring back (sharply) at me.Darn,I must be crazy!

I looked around-a week away with classes,the chaotic room was not pleasant either.Not that bad though,but it gave me this eyesore-books spreading here and there,clothes dangling in such a sight..sigh,sigh.Having the pleasure to be so absorb in other things just won't budged me to do any cleaning service now.Maybe later,so there goes another case of procrastinating.

And why again I'm telling all this here?Obviously,nothing queer or fascinating happened recently.Well maybe there were,but being one ignorant individual,I have not been in the waves for quite some time.Ignorant is bliss,and that's what I am now,sitting here,very content and comfortable,enjoying good music,eating good food,and writing my own mundane routines.Gosh,I sound really lazy..hihi..

Ooh,wait!There's a rumbling and scratching sound up in the ceiling!Rats..It amused me every time I tried to imagine what those cunning rats are up to this time.A few months after renovation,I really thought those mischievous creature were gone,'balik kampung' or went to someplace new.They like it better here eh?Well,I'm fine as long as they stay away from my clothes and my food stock and of course,as long as they don't nibble my toes!

It Stops There..

2010-02-26T00:41:00.004+08:00

She woke up to discover that it's already daytime.Still sprawling on the bed,she was considering a second thought - to wake up and start fresh or just curled up in bed.She tilted up her head a bit to see if the sun rose at the right place through the crack of the window.Relieved that it still do,she urged her sleepy mind to decide whether its proper for her to rise as early as the brightest star and walked out in a cheerful manner or thudded the day in such a solemn expression under the boiling heat later on.

Pondering in mind how petty phenomenon like this could possibly affect the rest of her day,she began to imagine all sort of calamities and mishaps which could probably turn her from a damsel with such a lovely tress to a damsel in distress.Ooh,out of the blue,Rapunzel's tale seeped into her mind without warning,which led her farther and farther away at the break of the day.
Rapunzel..she thought,was unlucky to be separated from her rightful guardians.Aah..another thought came ringing..how on earth she managed to take care of such a glorious,long hair?No saloon,no shampoo nor conditioner,not even a hair mask mentioned in the story..did the witch cast a spell on her luminous hair?It might be...

The tower's big bell began to ring vigorously that it sounded more like the roaring thunder than a sweet melody.It was meant to be,so that it brought her feet back to the hard,solid ground.Like a child,she leapt out of the bed,mocking that innocent tolling bell.Moments later,being at ease,she thought its best not to frown so much,it spoiled her mood - frowning she remembered,will just make her face wrinkled faster(that's what her mother always told her).Humming a merry tune as she prepared to get dress,a soft mellowed voice hooted at her very ears.

"Aife,Aife!"

>>>OH,Fudge!!!!!!!!!!I woke up..

Between the Rush

2010-02-20T21:59:00.016+08:00

It has been quite some time since I last wrote.Schedule is more hectic now,tons of assignment waiting to be worked on.The desire to push a pencil and produce something definitely drained my human brain-it's not that I've been creating a deadly storm purposely inside my head or cast a spell of typhoons that would ripped it apart
but merely lack of thinking process that is critical enough to reawaken and rejuvenate the ultimate gift that God has bestow upon us.

So now,with a spoonful sense of guilt,and a pinch of unrelenting grim determination,I'm pushing myself to answer the calling of wisdom-sound pretty gibberish eh?But deep down I still want to admit it,badly,that it's true.
Apart from this,many unwanted 'tragic moments' happened recently which altered me into a more conscious person about those who are around me-those whom I care a lot about their being.There are some do's and don'ts that I practically learned what to do and what not next time.Fully regretting them and not being so at the same time,I acknowledged the fact that time will fix things along the way,and gradually let myself came to a halt-it's like waking up from a really sad dream and getting on with your day cheerfully,positively.I know that I'm looking for something more in life and what matter most now is how to get that something more.This time I tell myself that I'm going to do it right.But,(there's always a but)how RIGHT I'm going to do it,and whether I'm heading for the RIGHT choice,again time will tell,but really it'll be too late then.I hope I'll find my way soon enough.

(^^)

Reminder

2010-01-25T17:49:00.004+08:00

I forgot that
sometimes when we feel that live is at its best,we never have this second thought that actually it's at its worst.
and...
We only see things that we want and just simply ignore the truth,no,we put it aside,thinking it'll be just for a moment.But then, we forgot all about it that eventually it will show itself in a surprising manner that we ourselves would never guess.Then come the most interesting part,where we struggle with all those disappointing moments.it's either we upset others or others hurt us or both.
It eats us up inside.

I forgot that
we tend to hurt those who we love and care for easily.
when we have choices,we choose to make ourselves happy and may let others in misery.
when we're too close with a person that we really care about,we will let them down in some ways.
we can't give ourselves too much to those we love,because one day they'll leave,and when that happen,we'll be lost.

Always,I reminded myself that thinking too much would sometimes lead a person to live in theories of ideas despite being practical in what they are doing.They might not even 'taste' life but sadly they thought they were.
Can a person possibly feel disappointed for disappointing other person?
For many reasons I'm officially feeling a bit down~

Waiting for Bed

2010-01-24T01:56:00.003+08:00

Scrutinizing on pages of unfinished assignments, my head nod unwillingly as my brain started to become cloudier, heavier- sigh, the journey to the Land of Nod would soon begin..I heard myself murmured.

“Guess this has to be done tomorrow. First thing in the morning after breakfast.”

Well, apparently that’s what I think I promised myself before I found myself sleeping soundly the very next morning. I've missed a few hours already!! Oh,sleeping got to stop..Being quite a laid-back would sometimes forced me to be such a dreadful procrastinator. Just hate it when it strikes. It made me feel I’m such a L-O-S-E-R.

So, I’m on this effort of trying my best to get a ‘cosi-cosi ‘ sleeping time than getting more than I should. Of course, I managed to cut down my evening nap thinking that it would be best if I have a really good night sleep. As far as my alarm concerned, I’m more to an early riser than a nocturnal creep now. I did got off the track sometimes, but things are manageable, for now. *smile*

P/s: I better get some sleep now..or I’ll be in a mess tomorrow!Ciao!
Big day ahead!Sleep,sleep.

C'est La Vie

2010-01-19T19:46:00.002+08:00

New semester has started for almost a month now. I don't have the chance to scribble anything during the last few weeks. Plus, it's new year!2010..Flabbergasted to find out that I'm not that thrilled in welcoming this whole new year thing, I did had a memorable night celebrating new year eve though, I was in Malacca-high up in the night sky, when the clock strike 12. There were fireworks here and there and that’s it. As is the custom, at this point most would likely to have their new year resolutions list ready I supposed. I used to be one of those who enthusiastically wrote down a whole list of things to do for the start of the year. It would went like “My (what year) List”..and so on.
This time I decided to do the other way round. No list, no resolutions, no ‘azam baru’ or whatsoever..nothing. Sometimes, trying to change what you think is bad might be worse. There’s nothing wrong with having a ‘new year to-do-list’ or sort. It’s just that at some point in life, people will change, and that has nothing to do with new year. You don’t have to wait for a brand new year to make a brand new vows in order to be better right? When the time is right, without us realizing, somehow we’re changing..a little at a time. So, maybe if I just move along with the flow, there will be more unexpected things to be uncover.
Enough crap people! :P
Anyway, this semester demands all the energy I’ve got. Practically I’m not that busy, but trying my best to be so. No doubt it’s exhausting but I cherished every moment I could. Never been able to make time for swimming the last 2 semesters make me even more determined to do so now.OMG! I bet cuttlefish performs breaststroke better than I do. Then, for my co-cu subject, I happened to register for the classical Indian dance which would be performing the ‘Laila Majnu’ dance-drama this semester along with one of my favourite song-‘Aaja Nachle’. I do feel lucky! XD Besides having this basketball practice, I got myself into choir too. It’s funny to suddenly to be among Sopranos as I used to be in Altos. So, even voice change?? Most of the subjects for this short semester are pretty challenging and interesting too =^^= I really hope I’ll do my best!
As far as I can tell, everything is running smoothly and fine. Apart from watching, reading and hearing all those perfect storm happening in Malaysia right now, I feel blessed enough to be given the chance to live my life well. It’s heart-breaking to learn others’ miseries, let alone knowing their loved ones are gone forever.

Sink Or Swim?

2009-12-22T22:30:00.004+08:00

SINK?

OR

SWIM?

I went to PD last weekend with such a flutter of anticipation,convinced that I still remember how to swim.It was disappointing though I already expected the outcome.I thought I was swimming,but the fact was that I looked like I nearly drowned.How is that so?

The swimming pool:
I bathe,crawled,dove,dog-paddled,floated,did the freestyle, glided,waded,paddled,stroke and all those swimming crap but it looked more like a worm wriggling in the water than me swimming.Hilarious.What a jolly act.I chaffed myself.
Since I've got a brand new swimming suit (after years waiting),I think it's time to brush my rusted skills.A good friend of mine love swimming,think she might be able to help with the techniques.Will you Saby?

The sea:
I noticed that I am still afraid to swim in the sea.Being able to go only like a few steps ahead from the land,eventually I freak-out and waded away through the salt water heading to the beach.

It's scary enough to not being able to see your feet underwater.I did no other movement except standing in the gushing waves,staring and admiring those who can swim happily in the sea.I dared myself to just float for like 10 seconds and guess what..I made it for just 2 seconds.I prefer having on-water vehicles rather than being in the water,using my own hands and feet to move around.If I ever being force to swim in the sea,afraid that I'll ended up clinging on somebody's back.That would cause chaos as I might cry.Who knows?XD So,I could say that I have thalassophobia.Hohoho..I love the sea,the scent,the view,and everything related to it.Maybe in a few years later I'll have the gut to swim in it.(PRAY)

Tick-Off

2009-12-15T01:54:00.004+08:00

I find myself rather allergic to the word 'image' lately,as I've been rated by a number of people,disregarding their credibility as potential critics.A few years ago,it doesn't look like a major issue.Now,when I've reached two decades of living,it's like a must-said.
Almost everywhere I go,I wear slippers;class,library,shopping,dining out,strolling in the park,and almost everywhere.Mum keeps pecking on my head about wearing slippers,even to formal occasion.Haa,guess this habit will take ages to be cured.No heels mum!I'm acrophobia and definitely not the dull-looking 1 inch army shoes.Even my primary school teacher chided me on wearing proper shoes and getting a more attractive looking ones(those with sparkles and beads!)I would wear anything but those.Nothing could be done.My mum went shopping with my ex-teachers and I happened to follow.Not only that,during my last visit to granpa's a few days ago,he noticed the zits on my face.
Oowh,this was what he said-"What's with your face?Go get this erm..what..erm..OLAy."
I was like.."what?" grrr..
My cousin just grinned,and said,"I thought so..he's going to say OLAY.."
Me:"Why me?" %$&*#@..
There's more..afraid that they're quite inappropriate..so..

I Cried

2009-12-13T00:18:00.006+08:00

I cried alone,
When no one was there,
I cried to comfort,
When no one was there,
I drowned in my sorrow,
And swam in my pain,
I let the darkness eat me,
I let it cloak me,

No one ever saw me,
So no one ever knew,
Everyone close to me,
Thought my life was fine,
But no one ever saw me,
No one ever cared,

When I met you knew,
Somewhere deep down,
I knew you were sad,
I knew how you felt,
I wondered if you knew,
That I was just like you,
Or that’s how I felt,
Every time I saw you,

You showed no sign,
Of how the misery swallowed you,
You never said a word,
You just laughed and smiled,
Like you I smiled,
I laughed at the jokes,
But deep down I was crying,
Deep down I was screaming,

I hope one day you’ll know,
I hope then that you’ll see,
That I’m just like you,
It’s all I can be,
I want to comfort you,
I want to help you,
We can be there for each other,
When we feel alone,

One day you’ll find me,
One day you’ll see,
And maybe one day,
That day you’ll rescue me,
When you save me,
That day I’ll save you too,

AngstPoetSociety

Memang Gitu Aja..

2009-12-13T00:05:00.002+08:00

#When you have too much time doing nothing,even small simple things seems big.#
LOSER!

Home Sweet Home ~1

2009-12-11T00:12:00.009+08:00

This holiday is quite weird as I was to spend part of it somewhere else and not at HOME.Summing it all up,the first week was at college and the rest was at my cousin's.My aunt and uncle went to perform their pilgrimage journey and there I was,enjoying myself thoroughly with my dear cousins.It was actually perfect,as I haven't met them for quite some time.So,we spent the days together;cooking,went for movies,shopping,watching different genres of movie-from classic to modern one-hours and hours in front of the TV(I even felt dumber than the idiot box already),glaring and staring at a dead fish in the aquarium;wondering how to get that thing out,watching their cat's girlfriend puke near the kitchen door and so much more.It was nice..really.We had a great deal of good times together.

See,we used to play,sleep,eat and even bathe together when we were young and those good times seems to vanish as we grew older.The feeling of being acquainted is now replaced by this awkwardness,as we're a perfect stranger.It feels like there's a gap?Maybe it is because of the time strain that we have these days.We're in university now.Things are a bit different;more responsibility,more important things to do.Childhood era had long passed.

Back to the scene,I had the pleasure to spend such a marvelous time.Honestly I did learned several useful thing like how to cook 'ikan bakar' using the banana leaves..Oow,my fish looked deadlier than ever.

Indeed I must say,no matter how wonderful and satisfying a place were,there is never a better place than HOME.Yes,I do miss HOME.In fact,I don't seem to believe myself when I was feeling homesick.Even at my cousin's?What the..I gave myself a sardonic smile..I miss HOME,really??So ironic..

Well my mum did came a few times as their youngest sister was staying with us.She's just 9,so more attention needed,and with heaps of work to do,she might go unnoticed,I guess.I kept giving hints to mum,but she seems to be clueless than ever.Not subtle enough?Oh my god!Well,my grandfather was actually staying with them,but he went to this Sarawak trip with my other aunt,so I was to keep my cousin's company until he's back.Its not that I don't like to stay,but the urge to go HOME was irresistible.A day before he's back,I felt like burning already.The scent of HOME has already lingered in me.I made no procrastination and packed.Finally!

Mum and I went to the hospital first to get my dad's stuff.On that same day too,my sister promised to meet mum so they could go and buy her super-duper thick,burdensome nursing books.Its like you put 2 or 3 bricks in the plastic bag and the size was almost as big as this computer screen.My only question:Won't they break her back?So many things happened in the process..I even puked somewhere on the road side,in front of a hotel,near the alley beside the corner lot 7-eleven.It was one of the most unethical thing I've ever done!I almost fainted too.For the next hours,I was in my somber mood.Gosh!I haven't done that for years..XD

Out of this so called adventurous day,the best moment did happened when I got HOME!Yess..I just love the feeling so much.Its like discovering a place where I belong.H.O.M.E

Where the Heart Leaps

2009-12-10T23:36:00.009+08:00

If some longing goes unmet, don't be astonished. We call that Life.
-Anna Freud-

There is a third dimension to traveling, the longing for what is beyond.
-Jan Myrdal-

When Its Quiet

2009-11-22T01:09:00.002+08:00

Exam's over,and you can stop hitting the books like crazy now..(for the sake of study)
Just dipped yourself into this serenity and try to unfold the best thing..read!

Flipping Over the Page

2009-11-17T16:37:00.007+08:00

It's barely unbelievable!
I've made it to the end of this freaking challenging breaking-my-nerves semester..Now,able to take a really deep breath..

I wonder what might happen next..
Will there be something more for me?Even for the next few coming hours,I keep pondering what I might do.It's just exciting to think of things and stuff you can do during this break.I have a lot in mind..

The first thing is to get over this Feseni stuff first,of course I'll put my whole heart in it,but it's the matter of time now.In four days,even passion can't save you from being imperfect.Deal with it!Next would be those free time you have at home sweet home and spending those quality times with your family.A splendid,lovely days..One thing that keeps making me inexplicably excited is the coming visit that me and my mom are going to do later on.Tracing the roots of our family;learning about my great,great,great,great ancestors.I just couldn't wait to discover if there's really a royal blood somewhere in me.I'm really going to get my hand on this,it's now or never.My only grandfather now is the sole key to unravel the stories from the past.

Then I'm going to Penang,(maybe) to find the missing book which my dad's father kept long ago..it contains the family tree of our descendant..from the first generation (maybe) till my dad's..all the way from Gujerat,India..that's what mum told me..Gosh I couldn't imagine if I ever have connection with someone from India..Dr. Amitav?LOL..No,he's my lecturer from Hyderabad,India.When I've gotten the complete story,I'm thinking of coming up with a book compiling all of them.At least,it's the best I could do to preserve the history.I just can't wait!!!

My brain keeps reminding me that this might not be an easy work.I never know my great grandfather or grandmother,barely recognize all my relatives;apart from knowing they have something to do with my family big family and that's it.Whatever happen next would be quite a mystery to me.Maybe bringing those old photo albums would help a little and doing some research would do the trick.Rather than sitting there and listen,and you merely know nothing.Helpless.

Imagining me doing all these seems almost utterly impracticable.We don't have the time to waiting.Waiting will only gives you heart-ache and dust.I hope I'll succeed in this small mission.It means the world to me if I do.

Forrest Gump

2009-11-14T20:49:00.004+08:00

If I was asked to choose my favourite character,the one who would definitely be on my list was him..Forrest Gump.
Why him?
Go and watch the movie first if you hadn't and tell me about it.
It's the reality that we all take for granted..

Gump, gifted with a low IQ which lets him be adorably childlike even as he grows up, leads a very charmed life: a mother who loves him immensely and who sleeps with the school principal in order to make sure her child has the best education, a miraculous incident that eliminates the need for him to have braces for his legs, a childhood girlfriend who remains faithful to him till the end, surviving Vietnam with a medal, and, in general, a propensity for turning everything that happens to him into good.

The fact that he didn't take offense,I think is what keeps him content.He made promise and fulfilled it,he meant every word he said.He's honest and basically nice on the inside.He becomes a millionaire,but he gives most of the money away,and indeed,he 's not that stupid as he knows how to re-assemble guns in high speed,play ping-pong like a maniac,runs like a bullet and so on..so does stupidity counts?

He's a satirical character to this new era heroes in many ways.His choices in life determine his niceness..in fact I think he's really one in a million kind if he really exists.Watching him is like watching your inner child at the inside.Gump never grow up,he remains as a boy throughout his life.It implied here that,at least,his 'stupidity' allows him to do so.So, if we are intelligent,can't we be child-like?I think we can,just don't grow up..it may seems better from a child's point of view.

Among his quotes from the movie..

"I'm tired now. I think I'm going home." --Forrest Gump

"Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're going to get." --Forrest Gump

"Stupid is as stupid does." --Forrest Gump

"I guess sometimes there just aren't enough rocks." --Forrest Gump

Note:There's still space to beef-up on this topic,but it's how I see it for now.Things might change..

Carpe Diem!

2009-11-11T22:06:00.003+08:00

Not many parents would tell you to not concern with your future and just enjoy the pleasure of the moment while you still can..true enough?
On this holy exam week,particularly today,I'd been shouting my voice out,"Seize the Day!" Why?
It's the term that I thought would be just right after Tuesday's;which might cause me to re-present myself for the same class next session,and forced me to re-sit for the same paper during my coming-soon 5th semester..oh,no!I pray hard,and even harder now,so that I really don't have to walk myself to the same class in the future.
And how did I seize the day?Frankly,not as cool,or as good as anybody else,but for me it was good enough to tolerate the free hours I had before the next paper tomorrow..
Guilty?
Exams in my high school years were numerous enough to wash away all the guilt in me..all that is left now is the inability to express myself well in the papers,and some blur expression due to some missing ideas which took quite some time to present themselves in my head..
So..
I decided to do some movie marathon to sustain the well being of my mind for the next few days and yes,I had the joy watching Ice Age 3,and the only fat kungfu master ever existed,Kungfu Panda..how I laughed!Later on,I had this opportunity to taste this Italian pizza..what a day..and beyond my mild imagination,it turned out that I have not gone through the process of hibernation yet.Gosh..now this is the part where I called myself L-O-S-E-R..

Making amendments,perhaps I'll go through some pages before bedtime..at least I would know and remember something..*grin*
I even have this thought to continue reading my unfinished business..thinking not to indulged myself too much in the relax mode as it's totally against the schedule,I'll go for it right after my last paper.Better..

Ciao!

Sometimes

2009-11-07T13:42:00.005+08:00

When we love a person,no matter how much wrong they did,how screwed up they are,remember,they are human,and human makes mistakes..and so do we..sometimes it feels like ripping ourselves into two..two separated path lies beyond us and we must go for both..but we might get confused what's the right thing to do and what's not..It's our choice.But then if we couldn't choose,we might be the victim in the situation and get into trouble,maybe that's why the word sorry exist..to allow us to talk and solve things over..peace!

Note:I just don't know what I'm talking about.It's the guilty part,that's for sure!

Breaking the Code

2009-11-07T11:22:00.008+08:00

What would you feel when something that belongs to you got stolen?
How would you react if your sheer hard work is taken for granted?
How again would you react when it happens in front of your bare eyes?
Would you feel like some kind of a doormat when your core value is abused?
And you know who did it..
Such a disgrace of such a disrespected action.
If you ask me,I would just shrugged my shoulders,and left..figure out human!

It hurts enough to have someone you believe to go beyond your expectation(I wonder if agitated fit in better).Well it's not new I guess.For centuries,in every single generations,these people must exist to balance the society cycle..rather,it amused me more than ever..but I have to admit,it pretty frustrating.

Well,this pic seem a bit off track for the theme,still,generally it's perfectly perfect..
I'm not saying I'm those angels with those glowing rings on my head,neither those devilish devil with burning trident in my hand,and this is totally not a holier-than-thou acts that tell people what they should and shouldn't do..I just hate it when it breaks into my space.
For some people,it may seems normal,okay,no big deal or whatever that fits in words.. but for me,it's a total disgrace.It shows your low integrity and dignity towards yourself,the kind of people you are.I just don't give a damn what lame excuses I would hear from your book of lame excuses..

and I definitely don't have the heart to get into a cat fight,so don't worry okay?

but an apology would make amend.I will be fine then.

One more thing,no need to give such a detailed explanation,I might just need a few..

For once I think I should STOP believing in SECOND CHANCE..
I give-up,prove me wrong..

Note:This is just an act of protest,since the 'I-hate-conflicts' part in me hindered the whole process of confronting this uprising issue.I'd love to thank those who spend their not-so-precious time listening..keep listening!Hugs and Kisses~

"It's what life offers you,take it or leave it."

Make Way for T.O.D.A.Y.

2009-11-05T23:57:00.005+08:00

It's almost the end of the semester now,well counting on the examination..it's considered finished when exam is over..time is hitting on the face as some are struggling hard to 'cope' with their subjects but there are some who just didn't have the guts for the big test and just couldn't wait to get out of here (including me)to chillax at home.The first paper is today at 3,and as I stepped out into the post-afternoon day,it felt almost like melting..*too much for a metaphor* XD
Returning Saby's African books at the main library,we headed for our battle field,the so-called dewan peperiksaan..1 thing that amused me so was that we still couldn't find the right way to the hall after spending almost 3 semester here..I'm not saying that everybody does know the place well but hey,such ignorance would sometimes get back on you if you're lucky enough!

Later on,when it's time,we got into our position and filled those white papers and as soon as the clock strikes 3,our race against time started..I found myself laughing in the middle of the exam as my left hand felt like a worn-out machine,too old and not-so-productive in producing a readable handwriting,and I accidentally drop my pen off due to over-aching pain in my hand's muscle..now this was cynical..looks like I've been spending too much time typing than writing..I did felt sorry for myself though..the questions are expectable,but the answers however didn't match the expectation I guess..it's Africa and it's history..well,at least I managed to talk myself not to write my own version of Africa's history..*I'm a dead meat if I do so..

Looks like my timing for this time was almost accurate.At 5,the paper ended and I was relieved to realize that I'll never see heaps of history books on my desk.At least for a few days..I was shivering,and my lips were blue enough to make me stay longer in that hall..me and Saby then went for waffles!The next thing I knew,my hand was smouldered with chocolate on our way back..the weather was gloomy enough for us to 'lenggang kangkung' so we change to 'lenggang bayam'which was a bit fast than the former one..none of us wanted to arrive dripping wet..and thank god it doesn't rain cats and dogs..it more to 'fish and meat' rain,as its not too heavy for Saby's umbrella to handle..lol!

Arriving,I could see that there's still no sign of being 'enlighten' tonight.The only thing that lingered in my mind was 'home'..I mean how can I read anything in the dark?*alasan xnak study..* :p
And why again this day was nostalgic?I had dinner in the dark..it was totally fun enough to be done.Remembrance it was..frankly,I love being in the dark..there's always something to lurk about and when you're not distracted by other 'light being' things..things you have never thought and never notice become more significance,more prominent.It's beautiful enough for me..to appreciate life in that way..*somebody would definitely smirks now* :P

Lots of events occurred and I just can't find the right time and place to talk about them right now,it's just irritating to not being able to articulate them in the present..different aspects of life seems to clash their way in and some surprised me more than anything..some are just lame,mundane and stupid but each has a pinch of pleasant in it.Still I'm looking for more spices to add in..more flavour means much more sensation..you think so too?

The Organizer..

2009-10-14T02:19:00.002+08:00

I was rummaging through my desk and found my first planner..I have it during my matriculation and brought it with me when I first enter the uni..forgetting the main reason why I scrambled over my belongings, it was always excited to see those colourful writing on the planner.Such a hectic schedule..there were also these hospital card(appointment card),some prayers given by my previous mentor,calendar,bank slips and some mini theater poster that I planned to watch (but didn't make it on time!)
Flipping over through some pages, a square-folded A4 paper fell onto my lap..thinking it was just some recycled paper I used before,I nearly threw it into the waste paper bin when I saw the word 'LIST'..I let out a faint shrieked the moment I unfolded the paper..It's the list I've been looking for since the start of this new semester..
See,this is one good thing about going through old things sometimes..I'm really glad!!

That list was, and still important to me..it's more like the list of things I'd love to do,visit,achieve,own and so much more..it's my list of life..how ambitious I could be sometimes can truly be seen in that list..*laugh* Seriously,I really hope that I would be able to achieve all those things.It will be great to explore new things,learning about people around you and surely a better platform to judge yourself..I pray hard not to let it be just a forlorn hopes and dried-out dreams..

Having the organizer or planner somehow has been motivating me to keep on going and doing my work and carry on with my plans enthusiastically.At some point,I'm grateful that I kept and still,keeping one..

A Moment Ago..

2009-10-07T16:32:00.003+08:00

I was sitting on a bench in that torrid afternoon..tired,walking here and there; settling debts, assignment,and research for the coming assignment..man,I did felt busy!
While I sat,drinking a can of 'sengkuang cina' my mind floated somewhere else..
What's the sole purpose I'm here anyway?I realized that I've been abandoning some of my reasons to be here lately..the feeling of being unworthy,unlucky,and helpless crept slowly into my heart..I felt like crying suddenly.

I watched people around me evolve into something everyday..how I've wasted my short live on things I'm not supposed to do..I realize something,as long as my heart keep complaining,talking nonsense on people,having this negative aura around me,I'll get out of this place learning nothing,and be nothing..This is so suffocating..where are my so-call views?Devastated..how bad could it be?..it feels like I'm in a strong current,trying my hardest to get out.What's happening?If this is the change that I'm looking for I rather not change..
Where has my passion gone?Is it because of the people around me?The environment or its just me?Damn,I really hate myself if this is true..

Tring to go back and be the original you is not hard,once a good friend of mine said:
In life we always have a choice,choose..

Oh My..

2009-10-02T18:25:00.003+08:00

Our family were having a party to celebrate Raya and since MKB we haven't opened the hampers yet..lots were done on the day as we're having it at night.Party means being happy and enjoying your meals (for me) but bad things will somehow happen when you're having too much fun I guess..
This time,it's not me who were hit by the thunder but my precious aragorn..
Well,practically he's my laptop, and I happen to named him 'aragorn' since it was one of my favourite names..sound so ancient..(reminds me of Beowulf) :)
So, somebody played this flour and water war after the slide shows ended and somehow one of the balloons which was filled with water accidentally hit my aragorn..

My blood turned cold when I was informed by Mama that my laptop was 'flooded'
That very night was the longest-cursing night ever..regaining my consciousness from anger,I was a bit relieved to be told that only a small portion of water hit a small portion of my laptop..ok..

Late that night, mama helped to dried it under the cool fan air.I was too sleepy to be bothered about it yet.Until like next afternoon,I was about to start typing my assignment when the screen turned blank,and flashed a few time,then suddenly the screen looked like a negative film colour..horrified,I panicked that my assignment would 'disappeared' and lucky sab asked me to quickly transferred important stuff into the pen drive..

Apart from spending almost the whole day staring blankly at the screen,I couldn't focused much on my work.Who would not be pissed? I felt like kicking and punching some people..lucky there were some really funny friends around and they cheered me up..still,damn it!It just sucks enough when you were in the middle of tons of assignments..
Next time do me a favour,don't watch your mouth,watch your feet,your hand and your eyes!!Where they are going do matters as they would damage something on the way!

Once Upon A Time..

2009-10-02T17:58:00.003+08:00

"If you see the magic in a fairy tale, you can face the future."

~Danielle Steel~
March 21, 1985

Once you're in,its hard to let go..life is just too plain sometimes because we never try to cheer it up.Doing simple things sometimes makes life seems better.So go,find your way then..

Smirk N Smile

2009-09-29T20:07:00.004+08:00

"I smirk each time I smile when I think that I can actually smirk and smile.."

Power Shower!

2009-09-07T20:27:00.007+08:00

I don't have much time to peep around,and play lately,loads of assignment gushed their way to me and immediate action are to be taken.I just miss the feeling of having and sharing something here..at least the gist of it!sucks though..not enough time to colour my mind with philosophical thingy now..problem is,the more I think,the messier I feel,and the messier I am,everything seems to turn upside down!
pfft..the best thing to do when you're all messy-take a shower!
Rained yourself with some chlorine,free oxygen,hydrogen and much free radical..it helps~

Often,I think of lots and lots of unexpected things when I'm taking my shower..something always pop-up in the middle of the process and I just have the idea on something..and unfortunately,often I forget the whole thing the moment I stepped out of the shower room..I feel like shouting 'eureka' the moment I get those ideas and bring along my pencil and paper with me..but surely it'll be wet..urm..see,'eureka' was originally shouted by Archimedes(I'm not sure if he do shouts)a Greek,when he noticed the water-level rose and suddenly understand this whole volume thing,and ran through the streets of Sycarus naked as he was to eager to share his realisation..ow,I'm not that eager,so I won't like running along any street without putting anything on..

I guess that's the only I'm able to empty my brain without thinking of anything,anybody..just relax..haha..maybe because there's nothing interesting to be watched in it!Just the tap,the prominent shower head,and me.
Seriously that is not the place for you to relax in it,it's the devil's lair,and I don't want them inside my head mingling with my fresh ideas that is about to hatch!

There was once,I laughed my heart out because I suddenly remember some histerical moments that happened a few years back..I wonder if people outside the cubicle think I'm such a weirdo to laugh in a condition like that..but can't help it,I went out with a smile on my face-funny!

Since I missed recording any of my instant ideas in the cubicle,perhaps I'll try to write once I'm out..who knows,they might be useful someday..well,at least I know one good way to brainstorm better next time..go take a shower!

Whimsical Wednesday!

2009-08-26T15:59:00.003+08:00

Oh my word!I don't have class today..2 canceled, 1 unofficially canceled..this is my very own public holiday..*grin*
Spending the previous night drooling over some heart-warming Korean movie,Taiwan drama and some web-surfing,I ended up dozing off in my cozy bunk bed until it's like noon.*naughty smile*..7th heaven..
I cleaned up some stuff in my room and sits back wondering whether it's nice to study in this cloudy,cool,peaceful day..nah,my heart says "go study!" but my mind is thinking of something else..n tadaa! i'm blogging..again!
so many things to tell,so many stories to write,yet they all are left unsaid and unwritten..Girl,you really need to toughen up a little and be firmer!
Well what's really fancy today is that the short-term freedom that I have feel blessed.haha..still,I need to work on my assignment though..by the way,tonight is kind of big,with this choir meeting,and sketsa sjm..let's hope I'll pass them happily!

All I Could Do Is Cry..

2009-08-26T02:37:00.004+08:00

As the old days passed before me
I shuddered,holding back my tears
I smiled,remembering the happy things I do
And great many things I wish I'd been through

As the present days passed by me
I shuddered,holding myself in,not wanting to give up
I struggled to give myself a big,big smile everyday
I trudged along the winding path hoping that I 'll survived..

Standing in the corner,watching the world around me evolving
I wept silently,I cried my heart softly,and foldaway every bitter memories
Keeping them in the very secret corner in me
I hope someday they would burst freely,beautifully..
Leaving no trace,no scars behind..just beautiful memories

I do not have the heart that hates
I do not have the heart that fakes
I do not have the heart that simply go against my faith
But I do have the heart that lives..

A heart that lives is a heart that feels
A heart that feel is harder to heal
And I do not wish for others to pry
That is why all I could do is cry..

My TryOuts..

2009-08-22T15:57:00.002+08:00

Penne Bolognese

Fettuccine

In The Mist

2009-08-22T13:58:00.007+08:00

A week holiday feels like a blessing to me.Away from the hectic class schedule,away from feeling stuffy,messy,and contaminated.Sometimes staying in a place for too long,repeating the same routine everyday make us feel tired.Tired of everything,just too tired..that eventually we didn't realize that we are far away from our very own selves anymore.The society that we belong in contribute much to this changes,yet still it's up to us on how we reacted to them..and that formed the new us..

We're dragged far away from what we believe,who we were before,and worse,when we're blind enough to see that we are doing things that we used to stand against.
At home,it's a relieve to find my old self again.It gives me such serene and calmness to think clearly what have I done,decisions I've made,stuff I do recently back in college.It looks like I've made a rush decision on certain things..I've been off track from my daily planner,not really up-to-date with my academic studies,and seems like I've put aside my plans and target for the semester for something that I can regard as 'wasting time and money,and energy..It feels like I should have not done it in the first place.

But from those things I should 'not do',I learned great many new things..things I have long forgotten,things I swore myself not to believe in anymore..It's really hard to embraced it once you let it go forever.I never suspected that I'll be in this situation again..It feels like you have to force it in you..no matter how hard you try,you won't feel nothing..am I going to survive this?I feel like I've lost so many things in life,things I should have grasp on it..it's true,life goes on..but you can't just start a new page without even looking back at the past..

Sigh..what kind of person I would be now,and in the coming future?
I never want to know..time will tell..

H1N1 threats!

2009-08-20T15:43:00.005+08:00

H1n1 is spreading rapidly,and this pandemic flu has been found lying within the body of my youngest sister.Surprisingly,the whole family is not affected.Mum is in such a hurry now,from home to the hospital everyday since she was admitted.She has been having fever for about a couple of weeks and had been to the hospital for 4 times.Medicine?Tons of them on the microwave oven.She was just 'too smart' not to eat them until she really recovered.She was diagnosed with the flu on 18th August till now..everybody was,and still calling..asking about her being.I'm tired of answering calls for like 24/7 and wear that stupid,tightrope mask each day and wash my hand with that special soap 24/7(my hands looks like 'ikan kering' already).When we went to the hospital yesterday,I was not allowed to even take a peek into her room.Mum almost got hysterical for not being allowed to visit her daughter..that fatso..get well soon,I miss bullying you!
I got to know that the test that got her warded was the influenza A test(she's positive!),H1N1 test is far more expensive,the cost is about RM1000 (private hospitals)..HKL used to do the test test,but they didn't anymore,too expensive I heard.Her doctor said since H1N1 is the 'hotstuff' now,my sister might has been infected.SARS,and other mammals flu may not be the cause..so,influenza A might not be H1N1,but H1N1 is influenza A.. :P
owh,influenza test is about RM 24..cheaper la..and a bit annoying to have cotton bud being poke into your nose..it hurts!

I guess Malaysians haven't been hygienic enough to stop h1n1 from spreading.Look around us,even in shopping malls,bus stations,hospitals,clinics and other public places,those who wear masks are only about 3 out of 10 people...washing their hands?From my limited observation in a day out yesterday,more people do that as quite a lot of places provided soaps and alcoholic hand wash.WHO predicted that about 5 million Malaysians will be infected if steps to prevent them is not taken.So more deaths would be occurring if people simply pretend like nothing serious is taking place in their lives now.

This morning,as I was listening to the radio..mum was talking to one of our neighbour a.k.a. our family friend about taking their daughter to undergo influenza A test.That child was suffering from mild fever,cough and cold for weeks!Worst,she sits next to my sister in class.Guess..their answer are definitely disappointing and a kind of 'weird'
>>We're afraid that our daughter might have H1n1
>>We're afraid that she might get hospitalized
Mum and I were *&^%%$#!(confused)
Totally confused with what they are thinking..is it worth it to their precious daughter's life??Hospitals and doctors don't kill people..what are they afraid of??
I felt sorry for that girl.I knew her since she was like 4 something.She's the same age as my youngest sister and they are BFF~
She's a very responsible,the cleverest,and the most mature child of 12 I've ever heard of..
Mum could not said much,because it's their daughter.She just gave them advice to hurry and bring that girl for treatment.I pray that God will open her parents heart to bring her to the hospital F.A.S.T!!

Well..when things happen,bad things..its only at the end of the road that we realize that a lot of things that we have in life is actually precious,and we tend to take them for granted..

Sigh..

2009-08-13T01:59:00.007+08:00

Letting something that is always a part of ourselves out is hard..but somehow we can't hide it..just let it be.

A Blow On The Head

2009-08-11T02:34:00.005+08:00

Sometimes we just forget that things we used to say will somehow 'eat' ourselves without us realizing..
When it happens,we will blame others and miraculously do not see that the one who are guilty is OURSELVES..
We blame others for our own fault,our own wrong judgment..
We make bad assumptions without wanting to really know the truth..as if it was a pleasure to do so..we talk,and we talk..
Until one day,when someone blurted out things that we feel we always know by heart..but gradually we then realized we don't know anything about it..it's just for the sake of knowing and saying,but not practicing or absorbing it into our lives..
We are no different than those 'criminals'..
Realizing the truth is bitter but it teaches us what life's like..
Be honest,be truthful..

Beautiful Dreamer

2009-08-10T21:12:00.003+08:00

Beautiful dreamer, wake unto me,
Starlight and dewdrops are waiting for thee;
Sounds of the rude world heard in the day,
Lull'd by the moonlight have all pass'd away!

Beautiful dreamer, queen of my song,
List while I woo thee with soft melody;
Gone are the cares of life's busy throng.

Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me!
Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me!

Beautiful dreamer, out on the sea,
Mermaids are chaunting the wild lorelie;
Over the streamlet vapors are borne,
Waiting to fade at the bright coming morn.

Beautiful dreamer, beam on my heart,
E'en as the morn on the streamlet and sea;
Then will all clouds of sorrow depart,

Beautiful dreamer, awake unto me!

Stephen Foster

HMPH!!~

2009-08-08T05:35:00.003+08:00

When things happen out of our control,nothing much we can do..
accept and face it..

Crumbs of Mikey..

2009-08-06T21:54:00.005+08:00

Woo..the first proper english song I heard was "You are not Alone" by the late Michael Jackson..
I never take note on Michael Jackson,what he's doing,what's his latest gossip,or how he was going..On the day he died,people kept playing on his songs,and suddenly it seems like everybody was his fan..I preferred to be placid though..Somehow,I felt sorry for him.The whole world were busy mourning for him,gossiping about the cause of his death but what about the time he decided to change the way he looked..If I'm not mistaken,tons of critics were thrown on him regarding his plastic surgery..Lucky that his talent was undeniably superb..he was the pioneer in modern pop music..and as for me,I'm personally grateful to him for 2 of his songs "You are not alone" and the earth song..it was when I first hear those songs that my love in English burst...haha..
Grazie!!

Its Always People

2009-08-06T20:33:00.002+08:00

Sepanjang hidup saya di universiti yang tak sampai 2 tahun pun lagi,saya nampak banyak benda yang tak pernah terlintas dan tercapai dek akal saya yang pendek ni..rasa macam tak percaya,apa yang saya lihat,nampak,perhati,dan dengar benar belaka..
Memang realiti tak seindah mana..baru terasa aplikasi quotes "life is not a fairytale"

Dulu saya hairan:Rupanya banysk manusia hipokrit.Sedih saya tengok ada manusia yang sanggup makan kawan sendiri..tikam belakang tapi bila berhadapan bukan main sopan.Tambah-tambah yang buat begitu bergelar orang Islam.Tapi zaman sekarang,saya tak hairan lagi..bila ditanya,mereka jawab "ala zaman sekarang memang la.."

Dulu saya hairan:Saya selalu dengar orang bercakap tentang nilai murni.Berbuih-buih mulut mak bapak,cikgu,ustaz,fasilitator,ahli politik dan yang sewaktu dengannya bersungguh-sunggguh menegakkan nilai-nilai murni.Mereka kata orang yang tak ada nilai murni bukan orang yang baik.Ye ke?Saya dengar saja..tapi sekarang,baru saya tahu,nak mengamalkan nilai-nilai murni memang 'mencabar'.Apatah lagi dalam dunia dewasa ni..apa yang saya nampak,mereka yang berpegang pada nilai-nilai murni dipandang agak serong,sering disalah anggap..kasihan!

Tahukah mereka-mereka ni,kalau tak ada nilai-nilai ni,kita dah tak ada apa-apa yang boleh dibanggakan sangat.Tak rasa segan pada orang sebelah barat sana?Memang betul dalam sesetengah perkara yang melibatkan moral,mereka memang teruk.Tapi sedangkan perkara se'basic' nilai pun kita tak ada dalam diri,dan kalau ada tak diamalkan,siapa yang lebih baik?Saya hairan..

Saya tak bermaksud nak menyebelahi atau menyalahkan mana-mana pihak..cuma apa yang saya perhati..

Saya kagum dengan mereka yang bekerja kuat untuk siapkan assignment.Tapi saya sedih bila melihat ada juga antara mereka-mereka ini yang 'take things for granted'
Setakat 'copy & paste'.Bila ditanya,jawapan mereka "Ala,isi sama je dengan lecture,asal siap sudah"Memang kedengaran skema,tapi saya rasa ini pun masalah besar.
Kenapa mereka tak cuba dulu?Baca,fikir dan tulis..susah?Memang sepatutnya begitu..kata 'student'..Saya pun tidak bagus mana,masih mencuba..Saya malu melihat orang asing mencebik pada orang Malaysia..saya pernah rasa kejadian macam tu..
Secara jujur mereka beritahu mereka pandang rendah pada kita..Ini orang asing yang memang 'excellent',yang sememangnya ahli akademik mengeluarkan ucapan sebegitu..tak malu ke?
Bila cuba berkongsi,mereka bilang "Ala,sombong,berlagak.."
Saya hairan apa yang mereka fikir..

Ada banyak benda yang buat saya hairan..semakin hari,semakin hairan..tapi saya seronok,macam-macam benda saya dapat tahu..terharu!

Seriously,this thing is more on virtuous side of living.I think I read to much stuff on 1st class mentality which eventually brought me in questioning our integrity towards ourselves.Effect of globalization overstep the limit of religion,local customs and cultures.We are getting more, and more freedom.So maybe in the next 10-20 years,what is left in us is merely our attitude,belief and values.Who knows what might happen right?People can't be judged by their appearances,background or anything physical that we see anymore.Many would become more individualistic in person in the future and the only way to know them better is to mix with them..Huh..
I really think too much!

Future Tense..

2009-08-06T02:20:00.006+08:00

The statement that would surely be said when I 'balik kampung ' now is 'Wah,tak lama dah,boleh masuk meminang..'
I was like.."wtf.."
Well I am lying if I said that I won't get married..it's something that people do,and eventually I would do also..somehow..(either 'paksa' or 'rela'..LOL!)okay,enough on this 'kawin-kawin' thing..
Well,somehow when it comes to the future,I always imagine that I am living in a condominium,fully furnished,with this classic-modern design.One thing for sure is that I would have a library,a room specially to keep my lovely books (it would be a huge collection of books!)
Then,I would have classic paintings on my wall,a corner filled with classic music collection..but,if I 'm wealthy enough at that time,maybe I won't use any radio or what-so-ever..I'll moved to a more efficient tech..wahaha..canggih!Just hit the buttons and you're into it!
Another thing that shouldn't be missed is the refrigerator..I'll make sure there's plenty of cereals,juice,chocolates,sushi and stuff that are likely chewable in it..my,how tak senonoh..imagining 'peti ais' filled with food..but yeah,I can't help thinking about it..haha..
And since I was a little girl,heavens know how much I always wanted a queen size bed full with soft,plushy pillows..wah!Confirm I tak bangun!
See mum,your girl dreams a lot!!
A bit about my future children..I am thinking to send them to an international school..but is it worth it??One thing is definite though..they need to learn either violin or piano..and go to either ballet or other dance class ...and they must go to KUMON.. XD
My,how hectic their life would be..But it's a must in the future..they will have added values..and not to be left out..they must learn foreign languages too..french,spanish,german..
Gosh,wonder if they will survived it or not..*evil grin*
By then,I wonder how others would look like...Hilarious!
The end.
P/s:Damn..I really talk crap this time!LOL
*Dumb-DuMb*

Greatest Story Ever Told..Oliver James

2009-08-03T21:19:00.004+08:00

Thank you for this moment
I've gotta say how beautiful you are
Of all the hopes and dreams I could have prayed for
Here you are
If I could have one dance forever
I would take you by the hand
Tonight it's you and I together
I'm so glad I'm your man
And if I lived a thousand years
You know I never could explain
The way I lost my heart to you
that day
but if destiny decided I should look the other way
then the world would never know
the greatest story ever told
and did I tell you that I love you
tonight
I don't hear the music
When I'm looking in your eyes
But I feel the rhythm of your body
Close to mine
It's the way we touch, it soothes me
It's the way we'll always be
your kiss your pretty smile
you know i'd die for
oh baby
you're all i need
And if I lived a thousand years
You know I never could explain
The way I lost my heart to you
that day
but if destiny decided I should look the other way
then the world would never know
the greatest story ever told
and did I tell you that I love you
just how much i really need you
did I tell you that I love you
tonight
tonight
And if I lived a thousand years
You know I never could explain
The way I lost my heart to you
that day
but if destiny decided I should look the other way
then the world would never know
the greatest story ever told
and did I tell you that I love you
just how much I really need you
did I tell you that I love you tonight

Most Influenza Peeple..

2009-07-29T20:47:00.008+08:00

When I say 'most influence' that means these significant people have been the cause of some massive turning point in my life.Their existence means the world to me as they aspire me in lots of ways and mainly it's because who they are which makes me adore,love,and like them so much..Here are some of them.. :)

Of course my parents Mr Zulazhar and Mrs Rozana,would be at the top of the list.They sacrifice their precious life,time and money on me,just to make sure I have a good life.I love you!!My long time buddy,Weda,for each moment we spent together are priceless.You show me what it means to be strong,and life must go on no matter what happens..Safiyyah who taught me what discipline,determination and hard work means..Gosh,and you do read extensively!
Mahfuzah,who taught me a lot on how to have fun the freak way and what it takes to be a friend.Coming all the way,Sabrina..who are the extremist kind of the homo sapiens I 've ever met in my life..You hold what you believe firmly and no one can get in your way for that :D..Kak Yani,a person full with wonders and surprise,with such a charming way of talking,she's a perfect story-teller :P Niena,full of energy,funny yet understanding..she's like a sister I never had..There are more people that I meet each day.Yes,they show me something..everyday seems to has its own lesson and its very own history..I just hope that I do appreciate those times..having this 'amnesia' it's quite hard..LOL..anyway I 'd like to thank those people who had,has and have been helping me to get through hard times..Merci beaucoup!! XOx0

p/s:(To those who knew me)
Those whose names are not here,doesn't mean you guys means nothing to me..You are just superb as they are!I malas nak taip banyak-banyak..jangan mara..huahua

'V' vs. Leopold

2009-07-26T09:11:00.006+08:00

Ooh..I just love classic man..the way they speak,their way of presenting themselves,charming!!If you ask me,this is a true gentleman..sweet!
Not to mention their intelligence!French is like butter cookies melting in your mouth..smooth and tasty!Literature??Its at their fingertip!!
War,weapon??Its in their blood..except for Mr. Darcy,I guess not so..flatterred enough already.. :)(got to ask sab lo)

Discovering Me..

2009-07-26T09:02:00.002+08:00

Of the event that I went through recently,I found out that I'm totally:
*indecisive
*agak bersemangat
*nervous xtentu pasal
*a bit friendly
*prone to shout out loud
*seem to sing 24-7
*smile quite a lot,even when I sleep *(somebody saW it!)

aM i NORMAL?
dun care to know,
but a wild guess would state that my hormones are not stabil!
hua..hua

HidupKu HidupMu..

2009-07-26T08:29:00.004+08:00

Lots of things happen recently.I just don't have the time to hit the keyboard of my lappy until today,until this very moment.It's damn bored terbaring macam badak on my bed,having severe headache,fever and sore throat..sucks!I hate it..ape dosaku kali ini??

MKB just ended last night.It's the only thing that happened last week.The whole family members worked hard to regain and retained 'Family Terbaik'..hahaha..puas ati!*as an ex-amethyst I could not help feeling the urge to win..and this time we made it!So proud and pleased!*Sab would probably think I'm freaking over this MKB thingy,isn't it?Yeah,I know you are too..LOL!

I joined the tarian etnik and found out that I'm totally in it!We just seem to forget everything when its comes to doing things we love.I have this special affection for dancing and don't have the chance to do it during my rusty years in school.I just love it when the opportunity comes!Now I 'm thinking of learning as many dance as I could.It should be fun and plus,I'm not getting any younger too..so better late than never..
This year they took the batu karang for the family names.Its so odd and so not cool.I mean it was kind of funny hearing cheers from other families and mine.But gradually,it seems okay though some people still have problems pronouncing the names.
Owh,and hectic as ever every night of the week.Lucky I don't have like 10 assignments per day.The best part,I used my free time in the evening to finish them.(and surprised to find out how fast I can finished them too!)

Yet one of the thing I love was the times when my family cheers.Well at least we didn't sound like losers in those days..they were fully-charged now!And the family fight we have-it might become more serious,but lucky nothing bad happened.Overall things ran quite smoothly and I could say I enjoy it better than last year.

And yet,some things just happened when they are meant to happen.
Maybe it's a start of something??
Who knows..XXX
And as always,the best thing ever is to appreciate what we have now than trying dead hard to get things that are not certain.Just by being ourselves,we make things better in someways everyday.

Kosong-kosong..

2009-07-14T21:14:00.003+08:00

Omong kosong samakah dengan berbual-bual kosong?
Kosongkah otak jika beromong-omong kosong?
Bila otak kosong,akan ter'effect'kah hati?Kosongkah hati nanti?
Hati yang kosong samakah dengan jiwa yang kosong?

*Omong kosong+otak kosong+hati kosong+jiwa kosong = jasad manusia yang ekspresinya kosong+pergerakan yang kosong+perbuatan yang kosong

Best tak math equation ni??
**Blur case!

What The..

2009-07-14T19:26:00.007+08:00

I'd bought this funny-titled book at the bookstore in my hometown.The title lured me the moment I was stepping out from that double-storey bookshop."Dilema Melayu Islam-Kurang Fikir atau Kurang Zikir" haha..wouldn't you be thrilled?!I was so curious that I spent my precious holiday salary on it.Reading the title kept my adrenaline pumping,and I wonder if things that was written in it would do the same..worth to try!

Well,of course I felt a bit challenged the moment I saw the title.It was very ironic and sarcastic.Damn..I 'm a Malay and I'd love to know whether my bangsa 'kurang fikir' or 'kurang zikir'..About like 3 weeks ahead,I've finished the book.Believe me,it's quite politic..not my thing..I'm so not into it!Why did I waste my money on this bit of knowledge again?!Guess I just can't help myself feeling anxious (a bit) and curious..
That just it,Melayu,Melayu,Melayu!yAdA..YADA..yada..
So what?After having to eat the words in the book,this is what I think I'll say:
From my point of view:At some point the author is right,and at some point I find out myself being a bit confused.Well when it comes to Malay,I can't say much because I'm a Malay too.
I don't know,having friends from different ethnics make me realize that at some things they are better.I'm not saying that the Malays are not good,nice or stuff.They are as good but really,it's just different.Haha,guess that's why hubungan etnik exist I suppose!To make us understand better.But what did I do?-Concentrating hard on those who are sleeping during lecture..haha..
Ow,this race thing use to make me feel really uncomfortable.Come on,what about my friends?They are not like what I've heard.Stereotype!Prejudice!That's it!-I'm confused..but thanks to Mr. Globalisation,things seem better,people accept each other more openly now.I'm just proud to be a Malay,a Malaysian.This is where I was born and its my identity-believe me,sustaining it is harder though..
To me,what's best is that those who are learning,trying hard to make life better and making themselves a better person everyday.They are the one who are the hope,the savior of the future!Huahua..So guys,do send your kids to school,make them fall in love with books and married knowledge..but don't make them a total nerd!!LOL
Now,there are more and more people who realized the importance of knowledge,as they go through their life,I hope that they would turn it into a tradition.But do remember,knowledge alone is just not enough,attitude matters too!Then it would be great!But whatever it is,people are people,you can't judge others just by looking at their friends,or their friends' friends..in this new era,its best if you know others yourself,not just listen to anyone or anybody..sometimes this thing seem rubbish.Hoho..or its because this type of reading materials doesn't suit me well?I dunno..I'm happy with the way my life is now,a bit mix up-thanks to the rapid-spreading globalisation but I think its ok,as long as I didn't go over the line.It'll be fine..
p/s:About the 'kurang fikir' or 'kurang zikir' thingy..I think I have too much 'fikir' in my mind that makes me kinda lack of 'zikir' lately..so,mari beramal!

So sHe Said..

2009-07-06T22:34:00.009+08:00

I just can shake the thought that there are some girls here that are bitches than ever!
As far and as long as I can remember,I've never been in feud with anyone..let alone get myself in a stupid cat fight..how amusing if I do!!
Gosh,guess these char women never find anything that can amuse themselves better than spreading wild gossip about people..no wonder they mind never spread anywhere than their narrow,lousy brain!
I am definitely furious,each time I see their faces..god knows how I 'd love to punch them hard on the face and present them my free kick right into their big mouth..
Damn annoying..

Yup,new harsh lesson here..in reality there's too many fake,2-faced people who breathe their oxygen on earth right now..apart from breathing the same substance,they suck other people's oxygen too..causing others to drown..such a parasite!

To you guys out there,come and faced me if you are bold enough..people like you just talk at my back,but somehow it looks like some cat got your tongue when I'm there with you..so fake!What's with a cheerful,friendly smile if I know the whole thing?
Remember,you stab me at the back,others are doing the same to you..
I don't care a bit and I don't give a damn for losers like you all!!
I'm proud with what I do,mistakes I've done,and what I have in me..Can you just come forward and 'tegor' me nicely..easy right??
I just don't get it,what's in your heads??A stone?
This is again our mentality,for the sake of our own people,just get over it..for once,let me and those who were also the victims BREATHE!!

Globalisation On My Doorstep

2009-07-06T20:52:00.000+08:00

Today in Miss Anne class I learned the word Globalisation.When she asked it's meaning I suddenly became clueless,I just happened to think that I might been able to answer that,for the fact that I always came through this word but NO!!.Numb,clueless and cold(air-cond was cold),I stared blankly at the papers that Miss Anne passed to us.Later on when we discussed,I came to realized several things..firstly,what the heck is globalisation itself??I surfed my way to wiki and here it is:

Globalization or (globalisation) is the process by which the people of the world are unified into a single society and function together.

Gosh!If the whole world is a single society,it would be dead bored.I would love it the way we are now.We have many different races,ethnics and lots and loads of different cultures.What's best is that each of them has unique features.Having to know them all is a great opportunity.But,functioning together?I like that.It sounds unified..hahaha..Going global means that you open up and when you open up,people can share.What is it?The whole thing!Economy,technology,sociocultural,politics,ideas,languages,cultures..(popular ones I mean)

This whole thing is changing every single day and it touches lots of things too.As an Asian and a Muslim,I think that once you go global,fully indulge in it,there's no turning back to your roots.Things work like that I supposed.I emphasized more on values and cultures here.Americanization is a word that tag along with globalisation.Starting from food,clothing,language,lifestyles..many of us are either fully,half, or a little bit Americanized in some ways.Do these bring more good effects or bad ones?I think they're evenly balanced..but depends though.To me,the best thing that Mr. Globalisation has brought is knowledge.It's fascinating to be able to learn.The widespread use of the internet makes it not possible to learn anything and everything!How lovely..Everything is just at the tip of your finger.Talking about values,beliefs,and cultures and how the younger generation is said not to know and appreciate their culture and heritage is another side effect.My,I'm totally not in the mood to talk about the moral breakdown of some growing kids right now,maybe some other time huh?Perhaps this time it's only to tickle my brain to think more on this and drag me closer to issues that are happening.Lots of things are coming up when globalisation takes place.It's up to us whether we care to see and take notice or just leave it..While other human beings are suffering at the other side of the world,we are jumping like mad with joy,eating McD,wear good clothes,learn in decent schools,having the pleasure in our own little world..I pity myself for that.How selfish I could be in 20 years of living??I just realized..The heck my brains is doing all this years?Tersumbat or berkarat?Which one suits me best? Pity or pathetic?Where is my kemanusiaan feeling?Ooh..gosh..(I suddenly sang Realize by Colbie Caillat)Haha..

ParLo ItaliaNo!

2009-07-05T23:21:00.001+08:00

Ciao!
I have no choice this semester..among all those that are offered I preferred Italian more.Russia?It's a no no..Those korean,chinese,japanese would make me spent more time remembering and writing them.Those would be at the bottom of my list.Well,since I have nothing interesting to talk about,let me just briefly tell about my Italian professoressa..Her name is Dr. Cinzia Giordanelli,age,em..I dunno..around 50 or so,I think..o0o and her children can speak like 4 languages..my,I envy her daughter and son..anyway the class went on well and still I enjoy the lessons..she's speedy,I really need to catch up!She's such adorable! :X
A presto!

Like Spring..

2009-07-05T22:50:00.000+08:00

You know, winter will come to an end
it will go away just as it arrived

melting the pain like snow in the sun

and the wounds you have
they will heal sooner or later
the down comes after the night
yes it does because

come back to a more peaceful life
that flourishes again like spring
life shouts at the top of its lungs
inside of you

even you will find again
the strength you have not anymore
and the will to live that is not in you now
it will come back again

come back to a more peaceful life
that flourishes again like spring
life shouts at the top of its lungs
inside of you

life shouts at the top of its lungs
inside of you like spring

Come Primavera- Il Divo

The Most Adorable..

2009-06-30T01:09:00.000+08:00

I love french!!ahakks!

Celtic Woman

2009-06-30T00:58:00.000+08:00

Celtic Woman-They are fascinating.Can't remember since when I fell in love with their music..it's like living in the air of mystics and mysteries!It feels like hope is always here for us,no matter what happen..and there's always something about it that keep motivating me.. and I just love it!!

Effect Rama-rama

2009-06-23T00:58:00.000+08:00

Nak atau tak memang kena terima,fakta yang manusia tetap akan berubah.
Tak kira bila,akan sampai titik turning pointnya itu.
So tolonglah..terima butterfly yang keluar daripada pupanya itu dengan hati terbuka.
Apalagi kalau memang ke arah kebaikan..

Penenang Jiwa..

2009-06-22T02:02:00.000+08:00

Tuhan... kubisikkan kerinduan
keinsafan... pengharapan...
Tuhan...kusembahkan pengorbanan
Membuktikan kecintaan

Bisikkanku untukMu
Munajatku mohon restu
Semoga cintaku bukan palsu
Pada desiran penuh syahdu
Gelombang lautan rinduku

Munajatku dalam syahdu
Merindui maghfirahMu
MardhiaMu dalam restu
Harapan tulusnya hatiku

Kurindukan pimpunanMu
KeagunganMu dalam doaku
Kebesaran pada kudratMu
Ia membina rohaniku

Tuhan... kubisikkan kerinduan
Keinsafan... Pengharapan...
Tuhan...kusembahkan pengorbanan
Membuktikan kecintaan

Ujian kepahitan di dalam kehidupan
Padanya ada kamanisan
Ketenangan dan kebahagian
Bayangan syurga idaman

Munajatku dalam syahdu
Merindui maghfirahMu
MardhiaMu dalam restu
Harapan tulusnya hatiku

Kurindukan pimpunanMu
KeagunganMu dalam doaku
Kebesaran pada kudratMu
Ia membina rohaniku

Tuhan... kubisikkan kerinduan
keinsafan... pengharapan...
Tuhan...kusembahkan pengorbanan
Membuktikan kecintaan

On The Track

2009-06-22T01:16:00.000+08:00

I was on my way home to fetch my lappy(sab's term for laptop) and of course,the best way to go home is by using LRT and KTM..I missed the train to Rawang while pampering myself with an ice-cream...padan muke!
I waited for about 20 minutes for the next one..finally when the train arrived,I queued at those lines where passengers were supposed to stand while waiting those from the inside to come out of the train..I just couldn't believe my eyes when I saw people outside of the train waited patiently as people from the inside got out of it..I still remember vividly,years ago, when I was still in school..they used to push each other to get into the train..not even considering those who wanted to get out..what an ass!There were this lady and her child nearly missed their stop as people kept pushing them into the train..it was such a nuisance!Once, I also witnessed a foreigner offering her seat to an old man,he was very old and I don't think he could stand for long,yet there was no one to come and offer him a seat until that British woman!I was standing not far from the old man and God knew how embarassed I am to see such an attitude!We are Malaysian,we're famous for our variety of customs and culture,and it is believed that Asians respect and honoured older people better than the Western..but what I saw proved the opposite,they had more courtesies and manners better than us..today's incident made me think that perhaps Malaysian are being better toward this kind of things..manners and courtesies..but a few things bother me as well..is it because the time factor?I mean it's not the peak-hours..lots of people are still working,and it's just 3 something in the evening..even I know there'll be plenty of spaces..why bother hasting?Well..it's just my assumption,who knows..but I'm proud to see it..for me it's a sign that we all are changing towards the better..